Since we’ve just had some fun at Max Payne 3’s expense, I figured it was time to give the game its due and discuss some of the deeper themes and mechanics that drive the experience. Just kidding, you’ve already seen the title, this is where I compare the storyline of Max Payne 3 to that of 2004’s SpongeBob Squarepants movie.
I initially came up with this idea back in 2012 when I pitched it to my editor at the now defunct BeefJack site that I used to write for. It somehow got accepted and I would later learn that it was one of the most popular articles in BeefJack’s history. Since it’s no longer available on the archived site, I figured I’d reproduce it here for posterity’s sake. The world must know.
So here’s a rundown of how the storyline, characters, specific scenes and set pieces, subplots, and resolutions of Max Payne 3 strangely link up with those of The SpongeBob SquarePants movie. Yes, really.
There’s a guy whose name is in the title. He’s clearly the protagonist.
He’s got a friend whom he relies on.
He drinks too much whenever he’s depressed
and feels like shit in the mornings.
His adventure starts when an important public figure
is robbed of something dear to him.
It’s pretty obvious who the villain is, but our hero doesn’t know that yet.
Also, our hero’s friend has a thing for a member of the public figure’s family.
Anyway, our hero takes it upon himself to get back the stolen good.
But to do that, he must venture into dangerous territory.
So he significantly changes his appearance
and immediately gets mugged for his troubles.
He enters a seedy bar where more tough guys accost him
and he retrieves what was taken from him.
Later on, he finds someone committing inhuman atrocities
and allows those victimised by the man to get their payback.
Then he comes across the villain’s henchman
who has a prominent moustache.
They do battle on unstable ground
with the occasional slow motion dive.
The henchman wastes his time with talk, which is his downfall.
And it’s up to our hero’s friend to save him.
Now it’s time to settle the score with the villain.
To make everything epic at the climax, a rock song kicks in.
Ultimately, the villain lies defeated
after getting stomped on for still showing contemptuous arrogance.
And our hero has found peace after embracing his true nature.
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