Titanfall 2 - The Movie

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Pilot speaking. Ha ha but seriously though.

FADE IN:

INT. MCS JAMES MACALLAN - NEAR TYPHON

We find ourselves aboard the STARSHIP MCS JAMES MACALLAN en route to the planet of TYPHON, which is controlled by the INTERSTELLAR MANUFACTURING CORPORATION (IMC). This is a SCI-FI GAME, in case you HADN’T PICKED UP ON THAT YET.

JACK COOPER (V.O.)

Pilots are fucking awesome. The true stalwarts of the battlefield. Take a look at this cinematic trailer of a Pilot kicking IMC ass. Isn’t that dope as shit? Pilots can kill fifty people with a single grenade and fifty more when it explodes. When Pilots jump, everyone asks “HOW high?” Pilots can have their pie AND eat it. They rock.

RIFLEMAN JACK COOPER is being trained by CAPTAIN TAI LASTIMOSA, who is a SEASONED PILOT.

JACK COOPER

Hello sir. Thank you for gracing this lowly Rifleman with your presence and wisdom. I love you.

(blushes, looks away)

CAPTAIN LASTIMOSA

Alright, enough of this senpai shit. I’m supposed to get you up to speed on the previous game’s story universe, but since that was mostly communicated via tiny video feeds drowned out by crazy hectic multiplayer, I’ll bottomline the wiki for you. You and I are part of the Militia. We love trees and just want to farm this part of the Frontier, but the IMC is wiping us out so it can pave over everything. Basically space nazis versus the resistance. Star Wars with Titans instead of lightsabers, if you will.

JACK COOPER

Thank you, sir. That’s incredibly easy to grasp because it’s as rote as my name.

CAPTAIN LASTIMOSA

Exactly. Now let’s continue your training. Remember that Pilots are outfitted with jump kits that allow them to avoid all fall damage and even keep their arms intact when they grab ledges at terminal velocity.

LASTIMOSA puts COOPER in a SIM POD and engages a VR SIMULATION to teach him how to BUNNY HOP and look MEGA COOL while doing it.

CAPTAIN LASTIMOSA

That was mega cool, dude. I’d say it’s time to call in your first Titan. You’ll have to establish a neural link with it before you can proceed.

JACK COOPER

A neural link? Wait, does every Pilot have to mind meld with the Titans they operate? Those things are ground up like crumpled cans on the battlefield! That must be one hell of a mental strain.

CAPTAIN LASTIMOSA

They’re only disposable in multiplayer. Here, Titans are special little snowflakes that become your soulmate. How else are we going to infuse this extremely generic war with personality?

JACK COOPER

This is going to be the weirdest buddy cop story ever.

EXT. ROCK VALLEY - TYPHON

COOPER takes part in an ATTACK on an IMC FACILITY, but of course it goes SPECTACULARLY WRONG. The MACALLAN CRASHES, the RIFLEMEN are OVERRUN, and COOPER is WOUNDED. LASTIMOSA rolls up in his TITAN.

CAPTAIN LASTIMOSA

Cooper, you’re hurt! I’ll drag you to safety and then deal with these enemy Titans.

JACK COOPER

You’re the greatest, sir! I have the utmost confidence in your ability to --

LASTIMOSA proceeds to get his ASS HANDED TO HIM by TWO IMC TITANS. COOPER witnesses his MENTOR getting PANCAKED and just plain PASSES OUT from SHOCK. When he COMES TO, he approaches LASTIMOSA’S DAMAGED TITAN, which DISEMBARKS his PILOT like it’s HOCKING A BIG LOOGIE.

CAPTAIN LASTIMOSA

Agh! Cooper, I’m dying. You’ll have to link with my Titan and complete the mission.

JACK COOPER

You really think I’m ready to be a Pilot? All my training was in VR simulations! Endlessly playing Call of Duty doesn’t prepare you for fighting an actual war!

CAPTAIN LASTIMOSA

Can’t you just appreciate this Obi-Wan moment I’m trying to create? You’ll have to hurry, the IMC will be here any minute. Unless you feel like giving me a burial, I’m sure there’s plenty of time for that.

(dies)

After BURYING LASTIMOSA, COOPER puts on his HELMET and JUMP KIT. He then addresses LASTIMOSA’S TITAN.

JACK COOPER

Hi. Uhh -- I’ll shake your hand if you promise not to crush mine.

BT-7274

My name is BT-7274, but you may call me BT. It is not in my power to hurt you. My third protocol states that I must always protect my Pilot.

JACK COOPER

Of course you operate on strict protocols. Less buddy cop and more buddy RoboCop, eh?

BT-7274

Correct. My second protocol is to uphold the mission, so we must rendezvous with Major Anderson of the Militia.

JACK COOPER

What’s the first protocol?

BT-7274

Establishing a neural link with a Pilot. Please embark at this time.

COOPER jumps aboard BT, some GREEN SHIT happens, and they HEAD OUT, fighting IMC SOLDIERS and TITANS along the way.

BT-7274

Pilot, our combat effectiveness rating will increase as we --

JACK COOPER

Okay look, can we maybe skip a couple of beats in our developing relationship? Everyone knows how this goes. Right now you’re all deadpan, you don’t understand figurative language, your matter-of-fact appraisals will contrast with the general absurdity of our adventure, and so on and so forth. But then we survive increasingly hazardous encounters and warm up to each other, so you’ll go from calling me Pilot to using my last name to finally calling me Jack. Bada bing bada boom, we bonded. Sound about right?

BT-7274

Oh thank fuck! You have no idea how boring it was to keep up that dead monotone. Yeah, I love shortcuts, let’s do it!

(beat)

Jack.

INT. HYDROPOWER PLANT - TYPHON

COOPER and BT enter a HYDROPOWER PLANT. Or possibly a WATER TREATMENT FACILITY. Look, it’s basically got a WHOLE LOT OF PIPES IN IT.

JACK COOPER

What are we doing here, BT?

BT-7274

We’re still linking up with Major Anderson, but he’s really far away, so the objective for the next couple of levels is “get through them.”

JACK COOPER

And murder everyone along the way, yes?

BT-7274

There’s going to be so much murdering.

As they’re murdering their way through the PLANT, a VOICE chimes in over the PA SYSTEM.

KANE

What’s this? A Militia Titan in my facility? Minions, kill him!

(maniacal laughter)

JACK COOPER

Who the fuck was that? I’m guessing a bad guy, right? I don’t mind catching some flak for having the most mundane name ever, but you don’t use Kane for anyone other than a villain.

BT-7274

Kane is a member of the Apex Predators, an IMC combat unit staffed exclusively with eccentric mercenaries. The IMC wasn’t sure it would come off as evil enough on its own, so it hired a group of ruthless war criminals. Fuck anyone who played on their side in the first game.

JACK COOPER

Were the people who killed Lastimosa part of the Apex Predators too? I should think so, that guy I glimpsed before I passed out was wearing big pelts over his armour and collecting the ears of the fallen. I thought I had ended up in Far Cry Primal for a minute.

Once they’ve traversed the PLANT, COOPER and BT run afoul of KANE.

KANE

Woooh! I live for this shit! Hang on.

(rails line of coke off his Titan)

THAT’S THE STUFF OKAY WE FIGHT NOW!

BT-7274

Yeah, I’m guessing they all have buckets of personality to compensate for the fact that you have very little.

JACK COOPER

what do you mean i have lots of personality i quip about stuff and everything

COOPER manages to KILL KANE and then STEALS HIS RADIO.

JACK COOPER

Why am I hearing solemn piano music like my best friend just died?

INT. AUTOMATED FACILITY - TYPHON

This time, COOPER and BT enter an IMC MANUFACTURING FACILITY.

JACK COOPER

Oh look, they’re building prefab houses for settlers. Maybe the IMC isn’t so bad after all.

BT-7274

These houses aren’t going to settlers, they’re meant for IMC training drills in urban combat.

JACK COOPER

Really? Oh sure, that makes sense. Why bother with VR simulations that can easily render any feasible combat scenario when you can spend millions on building it all in real life?

After getting SEPARATED, COOPER follows the ASSEMBLY LINE to a TRAINING DOME, where he is greeted by ASH, the next WRETCHED MERCENARY PILOT.

ASH

(monotone)

You show impressive skills, Pilot. I shall take great pleasure in teaching you how to die.

JACK COOPER

Wait, you’re a robot too? Inside a bigger robot? Tell me, does your face open up to reveal a tiny little robot? That would be hilarious.

ASH

I detect sarcasm.

BT finds COOPER again and together they fight and kill ASH.

EXT. IMC RESEARCH FACILITY - TYPHON

COOPER and BT have reached MAJOR ANDERSON’S RALLY POINT near a DESTROYED RESEARCH FACILITY.

JACK COOPER

Okaaay, I found Anderson, but he’s stuck inside the ceiling. Must be a clipping bug. Hang on, let me reload the last checkpoint.

BT-7274

Wait, I think Anderson actually materialised halfway through the ceiling somehow. My magical scans that can detect everything indicate that he was looking for an experimental IMC weapon in this facility. I recommend you find the other half of his body.

Once COOPER works his way into the OVERGROWN RUINS, he is suddenly WHISKED AWAY to a PRISTINE VERSION OF THE FACILITY and then BACK AGAIN.

JACK COOPER

What just happened? It seemed like I literally flashed back to when this place wasn’t a smoldering ruin.

BT-7274

Oh, just some time distortions. Whatever, no big deal.

JACK COOPER

I’m randomly phasing through the interwoven continuum of space and time, and you’re acting like it’s just a stroll around the block? Did I miss out on some huge aspect of this sci-fi universe?

BT-7274

(robotic yawn)

COOPER finds ANDERSON’S LOWER BODY posed like WILE E. COYOTE after FACEPLANTING into a CANYON.

JACK COOPER

Hey, he’s got a neat watch. Yoink!

The WATCH turns out to be a DEVICE that allows COOPER to INSTANTLY JUMP BETWEEN THE TWO TIME PERIODS.

JACK COOPER

Wait, am I following in Anderson’s footsteps? I saw him greeting Lastimosa in the intro, so he must have travelled back in time before me. Or would our pasts intersect? Are we dealing with different timelines? If they’re overlapping, that might explain why the fires are still burning in the present while all the bodies have fully decomposed and everything’s covered in vines. But then, if Anderson was spotted and got phased inside a ceiling, why didn’t that --

BT-7274

Dude, there’s a prompt that says “Press X to time travel.” I recommend you stop overthinking this and just have a fucking ball.

COOPER proceeds to CAUSE MAYHEM in the PAST, which actually helps PRECIPITATE THE FACILITY’S DESTRUCTION.

JACK COOPER

Okay yeah, this is awesome.

BT-7274

I have decoded Anderson’s log playback. He discovered that the IMC was testing a Fold Weapon, which can distort space and time to cause destruction on a planetary scale. His comments suggest it is of alien origin.

JACK COOPER

But the faster-than-light travel that allowed humanity to reach the stars was mentioned as stemming from the ability to fold space and time. Wouldn’t it make more sense to attribute this weapon to that than hinting at fucking aliens?

BT-7274

What did I say about overthinking things?

JACK COOPER

HA HA I JUST PUNCHED A GUY IN THE PAST AND THEN TEABAGGED HIS ROTTEN CORPSE IN THE PRESENT!

BT-7274

That’s better.

Eventually, COOPER learns that the FOLD WEAPON relies on a POWER SOURCE known as the ARK. He finds it in a WEIRD TIME ANOMALY STILL LIFE DIORAMA THING that occurs when the WEAPON’S FIELD TEST goes WRONG.

JACK COOPER

Can’t have a big sci-fi story without something being called the Ark, that’s for sure.

BT-7274

Jack, if you can scan the Ark, I will be able to trace its location in the present.

JACK COOPER

Are you sure it’s safe? It looks pretty radioactive.

BT-7274

It’s fine. Later on, you end up touching the damn thing.

After COOPER scans the ARK’S ENERGY SIGNATURE, he is transported back to the PRESENT.

BT-7274

The IMC is planning to use the Fold Weapon to destroy the Militia home planet of Harmony. We have to warn them.

JACK COOPER

Bad guys with British accents, a dead mentor, and now planet-destroying superweapons. Lastimosa sure wasn’t kidding when he compared this story to Star Wars.

EXT. IMC INTERSTELLAR BEACON - TYPHON

COOPER and BT arrive at an INTERSTELLAR BEACON and link up with a PLATOON OF MILITIA RIFLEMEN led by CAPTAIN COLE.

CAPTAIN COLE

Thank God, a Pilot! If we keep gushing about how mind-blowingly amazing you are compared to us lowly Riflemen, would you mind repeatedly putting your life at risk to get us out of here?

JACK COOPER

Sure, what needs doing?

CAPTAIN COLE

If we want to use the beacon to send a message to the Militia, we’ll need to get the power back online. You’ll have to find an arc tool down in the substation first.

(beat)

I know you can do it. You’re so awesome and brave.

COOPER heads down into the SUBSTATION and steals an ARC TOOL off a REALLY SAD ROBOT.

CAPTAIN COLE

Great. Now head into the power chamber behind us and manually jump start the relays. It’s radioactive as all hell in there, but you’ll be fine because you’re such a badass.

Using the ARC TOOL, COOPER brings the POWER BACK ONLINE. He then returns to the RIFLEMEN.

JACK COOPER

I won’t claim that decontamination sequences are very popular in games, but don’t I need one after that? Radiation exposure is what killed James MacAllan in the first game.

CAPTAIN COLE

Nah. Next up: we need a new uplink module for the communications dish. There’s one located on the other side of this crazy platforming section up ahead. You’ll be fine. You’re so amazing!

(opens thesaurus)

Astonishing, breathtaking, remarkable, stunning, wonderful.

JACK COOPER

Aw shucks, guy.

EXT. IMC COMMUNICATIONS DISH - TYPHON

COOPER and BT head to the DISH and manage to retrieve the UPLINK MODULE.

BT-7274

Jack, if you want to install the module, I’ll have to throw you to the top of the dish.

JACK COOPER

A fastball special? We are just hitting all the tropes here, aren’t we.

BT HURLS COOPER up to the DISH.

BT-7274

Still got it. Note that, as soon as you install the new module, the dish will automatically reorient itself.

JACK COOPER

Right, I won’t even bother pointing out how ridiculously unsafe that is. I suppose the complete disregard for OSHA compliance is another nod to Star Wars.

As soon as COOPER installs the MODULE, the DISH rotates DOWN and he SLIDES OFF. BT manages to CATCH HIM and ABSORB HIS INERTIA all at once. COOPER does a THUMBS-UP and BT COPIES IT.

BT-7274

Ah, thanks. If I end up dying by slowly sinking into a pool of lava, I can now offer a final gesture of camaraderie.

JACK COOPER

That’s exactly why I taught you that. It’s pretty much a given one of us is going to die.

On their way back, COOPER and BT are intercepted by RICHTER, that APEX PREDATORS MERCENARY with the PELTS and the EAR FETISH.

RICHTER

Achtung! Time for another boss battle!

JACK COOPER

(doubles over laughing)

What’s with the open mic night Schwarzenegger impression?

RICHTER

Did you at any point assume this game would take itself seriously? Schweinehund!

JACK COOPER

Also, why do you all insist on popping out of your cockpits to taunt me before a fight? I could just blast you to bits mid-sentence.

RICHTER

Dis ist ein cutscene!

RICHTER climbs back in his TITAN, which is then SUMMARILY EXPLODED by COOPER and BT.

JACK COOPER

See you at the party, Richter!

Eventually, COLE uses the BEACON to call in the MILITIA FLEET.

EXT. IMC INTERSTELLAR BEACON - TYPHON

COOPER and BT are met by SARAH BRIGGS, COMMANDER of the MILITIA.

SARAH BRIGGS

Sorry it took me a while to get here, I had to apply my shiny foundation. Wait, where’s Lastimosa?

BT-7274

Captain Lastimosa was killed right through my armoured cockpit somehow. I am now linked to Rifleman Jack Cooper.

SARAH BRIGGS

(points to Cooper)

What, this guy? This little Trifleman? That’s what we Pilots call them, hah. Ditch him already and let’s get you linked to a proper Pilot.

JACK COOPER

Whoa there! Captain Cole! What were some of those adjectives you were using regarding my performance?

CAPTAIN COLE

(sighs)

Amazing, remarkable, awesome, breathtaking.

JACK COOPER

Interesting. Hey BT, remind us of our current combat effectiveness rating?

BT-7274

It now exceeds ninety percent.

JACK COOPER

Ninety percent, how about that.

SARAH BRIGGS

Very well. If a machine says you’re okay, you’re okay. We’ve traced the Ark to the IMC flagship Draconis, which is set to deliver it to the Fold Weapon. Whoa, that may very well be the most sci-fi line I’ve ever uttered.

EXT. IMC AIRBASE - TYPHON

The MILITIA stages an ALL-OUT ASSAULT on the IMC AIRBASE where the DRACONIS is DOCKED. After a FUCKING CHAOTIC BATTLE, they arrive TOO LATE to prevent it from TAKING OFF, so they PURSUE IT.

JACK COOPER

Couldn’t we have waited for the Draconis to launch if we had an entire fleet ready to chase it in the air? Or hell, even carpet bombed the shit out of it? I lost count of the amount of Titans we lost in that battle.

SARAH BRIGGS

We had to put that in to give you a taste of multiplayer! Now let’s get to the Draconis!

After a lengthy AERIAL BATTLE, which involves a COMPLETE LACK OF WIND RESISTANCE and ANOTHER SMUG MERCENARY, COOPER and BT manage to BOARD THE DRACONIS. Right after COOPER shoves the ARK inside BT’S COCKPIT, the SHIP starts to LOSE ALTITUDE.

BT-7274

The Draconis is going to crash. I will shield you with my body.

JACK COOPER

Don’t say it.

BT-7274

We --

JACK COOPER

Don’t you fucking say it!

BT-7274

We. Are. Groot.

JACK COOPER

Goddamnit.

After they SURVIVE the CRASH, COOPER and BT are captured by the IMC.

EXT. FOLD WEAPON FACILITY - TYPHON

BT, who has been DISMEMBERED save for his RIGHT ARM, is in the hands of KUBEN BLISK, LEADER of the APEX PREDATORS. COOPER is being held nearby.

KUBEN BLISK

I am a South African mercenary in a game that has robot soldiers and explosive shurikens, so if you want to make any references to Elysium, please get them out of the way now.

JACK COOPER

Forget it, I’m done with references after BT’s little Guardians of the Galaxy shtick back there.

KUBEN BLISK

Good. Now tell him to release the Ark or I’ll put one between your eyes.

BT-7274

Trying to use my third protocol against me, eh? I need to make sure just how much danger my Pilot is in before I can open my cockpit. Bring him a little closer to my one functional arm, would you?

KUBEN BLISK

Oh sure, that’s not suspicious in the slightest.

As soon as BLISK drags COOPER closer, BT attempts to SWIPE AT THEM. He ends up getting SHOT TO BITS and BLISK runs off with the ARK.

BT-7274

It was worth a shot. Jack, the mission falls to you now. It’s dangerous to go alone. Take this.

BT pulls his OCULAR SYSTEM and drops it in front of COOPER. It contains a SMART PISTOL, a KNIFE, and BT’S DATA CORE.

JACK COOPER

YOU HAD A SMART PISTOL THIS WHOLE TIME?

COOPER fucking BELTS HIS WAY through the FACILITY, AIMBOTTING IMC SOLDIERS along the way.

JACK COOPER

Pew pew pew! Whoa, this thing is so overpowered.

IMC SOLDIER

fuk u bastard smrt pistol is 4 nubs

(brained)

SARAH BRIGGS

Pilot, you’re alive! Do you have BT’s data core?

JACK COOPER

Yes, I’m holding it out in front of me as I dive headlong into combat!

SARAH BRIGGS

Maybe don’t do that? That’s BT’s robot soul encased in that thing!

JACK COOPER

But it is okay to mount them on the front of Titans like goddamn hood ornaments?

SARAH BRIGGS

Fair point. Now get over to the Fold Weapon! It’s almost ready to fire! I’m sending down another Titan chassis for you. Stand by for --

(dramatic beat)

TITANFALL YEEEAAAH!

COOPER heads outside and calls in the new TITAN. He installs BT’S DATA CORE into the OCULAR SYSTEM.

BT-7274

I’m back, baby! What did I miss?

JACK COOPER

Just me owning ass with the smart pistol. Why aren’t we simply issuing that to every Rifleman?

BT-7274

I could say the same for this Predator minigun my new chassis comes equipped with. Can you believe it has an autoaim feature as well? Now get inside me and let’s go!

JACK COOPER

Phrasing.

INT. FOLD WEAPON FACILITY - TYPHON

COOPER and BT explode their way into the FOLD WEAPON CONTROL ROOM, where they find BLISK inside his TITAN.

JACK COOPER

Blisk! Quick question before we fight to the death. Since BT has pretty much become my soulmate over the course of about a day, have you developed a similar bond with your Titan? Do you both revel in the evil deeds you commit?

KUBEN BLISK

Are you kidding me? I’m such a cardboard cutout villain that I’m not even allowed to have such humanising connections. Also, you don’t get to fight me. Slone, my second in command, will take care of you.

SLONE

Yes, it is I!

JACK COOPER

Oh right, you. The one I have such an adversarial relationship with. Slone, was it?

Once SLONE has been DEFEATED, BT attempts to STOP THE FOLD WEAPON, but its INJECTOR BACKBLAST WHATEVER disables him with COOPER still inside.

BT-7274

Critical internal systems overloaded. Severe damage.

JACK COOPER

You JUST got this chassis! This is like when I cracked my iPhone screen right after unboxing it.

BLISK returns and climbs up on BT so he can literally LOOK DOWN ON COOPER.

KUBEN BLISK

I’m not going to kill you.

JACK COOPER

Because I’m currently incapacitated and it wouldn’t be a fair fight? That’s awfully sporting of you.

KUBEN BLISK

No, because it’s not in my contract. That ended when I delivered the Ark. There’s no money in killing you.

JACK COOPER

Huh, this must be the first time a mercenary’s drive for nothing but a paycheck works to the hero’s advantage!

KUBEN BLISK

It also helps that I seemingly don’t give a flying fuck about any repeat business with the biggest client in the known universe. Anyway, here’s my card.

(winks, leaves)

BT-7274

Jack, I have an idea. Have you ever seen Pacific Rim?

JACK COOPER

You and your references. Let me guess, you’re planning to sacrifice yourself by detonating your reactor core inside the Fold Weapon?

BT-7274

Exactly. Time for a Rimjob.

BT climbs into the INJECTOR, which LAUNCHES HIM towards the ARK.

BT-7274

Whoops, almost forgot my third protocol! FASTBALL SPECIAL!

Right before he flies into the ARK, BT disembarks COOPER and TOSSES HIM OUT OF HARM’S WAY.

JACK COOPER

WHEEEEEE!

BT-7274

Hey! I'm trying to make a valiant sacrifice here!

JACK COOPER

I know! Uhh -- I was yelling "BEE TEEEEEE!"

BT’S REACTOR blows up the ARK and creates a WICKED FUCKING PLATFORMING SECTION for COOPER, who uses it to RENDEZVOUS with BRIGGS. They JUMP INTO ORBIT right before the ENTIRE PLANET IS CRACKED IN HALF.

SARAH BRIGGS

You did it, Pilot! I hope you like getting congratulated, because there’s going to be an endless amount of it back on Harmony.

JACK COOPER

(wipes away tear)

If only BT could be there to see that.

SARAH BRIGGS

Don’t worry, there’s a post-credits scene that implies a copy of BT’s AI functions survived inside your helmet. Please don’t start asking yourself all kinds of questions about consciousness and whether a simulacrum still constitutes BT’s identity. This isn’t SOMA.

JACK COOPER

So now I literally can’t get him out of my head.

SARAH BRIGGS

Funny you should say that.

JACK COOPER

Why?

SARAH BRIGGS

Well, because-cause-cause th-th-th KKKHHHRRRSSS--

The IMAGE suddenly STALLS and SCRAMBLES before it cuts to...

INT. MCS JAMES MACALLAN - NEAR TYPHON

COOPER finds himself back in the SIM POD facing CAPTAIN LASTIMOSA.

JACK COOPER

What? Why am I back here? Am I phasing through time again?

CAPTAIN LASTIMOSA

Ah, I see you got the Fold Weapon simulation. That's a good one. Bit schlocky if you think about it too much, but it's a real rollercoaster!

JACK COOPER

Simulation? It -- none of it was real?

CAPTAIN LASTIMOSA

Of course not! We like to give prospective Pilots a little taste of how fucking awesome our whole deal is. There's a bunch of different simulations we use for that and they kick in during the tutorial segment to catch you unawares. You got the one with time travel, I got the one where all the robot soldiers rise up against us and we have to team up with the IMC to defeat them.

(scoffs)

MAJOR ANDERSON

(walking by)

I thought I single-handedly saved the Frontier from actual fucking aliens, haw haw!

JACK COOPER

But --

CAPTAIN LASTIMOSA

Look, don't worry. Once you start to consider how ridiculous it would be if you were immediately a better Pilot than myself, you'll come down off it. Scratch that, all of it was ridiculous, wasn't it? I mean, that Richter guy? They voiced him like Schwarzenegger for a fucking laugh and kept it in!

JACK COOPER

I -- I can't -- you died! I buried you! And what -- what about my link with BT? He's -- I love him!

BT-7274

Rifleman Cooper, I am currently linked to Captain Lastimosa. In time, you may acquire your own Titan.

JACK COOPER

(choking up)

BT, no.

COOPER attempts a THUMBS-UP, but there is NO REACTION FROM BT.

CAPTAIN LASTIMOSA

(slaps Cooper on the back)

Don't sweat it, kid. Now come on, we've still got an actual war to fight!

COOPER once again takes part in the ATTACK on the IMC FACILITY. He is immediately CRUSHED TO DEATH by an ENEMY TITAN.

THE END

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