Deus Ex: Invisible War - The Movie

The douchebag haircut persists well into the 21st century.
The douchebag haircut persists well into the 21st century.

FADE IN:

INT. BUSINESS MEETING

DEVELOPER WARREN SPECTOR

So, Deus Ex was critically lauded. Clearly I should be allowed to make a sequel.

PUBLISHER EIDOS INTERACTIVE

Hmnyes, but it didn't sell quite as well as we would've liked. We're gonna let you make a sequel, but make sure to develop it across more than one platform from the ground up this time.

DEVELOPER WARREN SPECTOR

You mean, include the consoles?

PUBLISHER EIDOS INTERACTIVE

Yes, but just the Xbox. Playstation users already got the first game ported over. Now, we've invited an Xbox gamer into the studio so we can get a feel for our new audience. Let's hear from l33tsh0t69.

L33TSH0T69

OMG HALO WUZ AWSOMZ!!1!

DEVELOPER WARREN SPECTOR

Oh boy. I'm going to take a step back here. If I can't include deeply philosophical discussions with bartenders, I'm just not gonna bother.

DEVELOPER HARVEY SMITH

My time to shine! Get ready for Deus Exbox!

FADE TO:

EXT. CHICAGO

An OPENING SEQUENCE depicts TWO UNKNOWN CHARACTERS exchanging VAGUE LINES, which passes for INTRIGUING MYSTERY.

LEILA NASSIF

Did you tell the guys to take the thing with the stuff to the place?

STAN CARNEGIE

I agree.

A TERRORIST dressed like ALTAÏR IBN-ABABWA walks into the middle of a CROWDED INTERSECTION and detonates a NANITE BOMB which completely destroys CHICAGO.

LEILA NASSIF

Great, two minutes in and we're already at odds with the game's subtitle.

INT. TARSUS FACILITY - UPPER SEATTLE

ALEX D wakes up in his APARTMENT.

ALEX D

My name is Alex D? Christ, I sound like a bad rapper.

LEILA NASSIF

Welcome to our Seattle facility, Alex. Hope you had a good nap after your hometown was wiped off the map.

ALEX D

Chicago's gone? What about the family and friends I apparently have?

LEILA NASSIF

Very much dead. Rather than give you a moment to let this sink in, I'll start ordering you around immediately. Go meet the other trainees.

ALEX meets BILLIE ADAMS, LEO JANKOWSKI and KLARA SPARKS.

BILLIE ADAMS

I'm Billie Adams. While I'm pretty much the only friend you have left at the moment, I'll maintain a strictly businesslike approach to our relationship. Tarsus has been using us as test subjects for biomodification this whole time. Open your eyes, sheeple!

LEO JANKOWSKI

I'm Leo Jankowski, and I'm a condescending prick. In fact, I'm going to keep calling you "Chicago," thereby incessantly reminding you of your hometown's destruction.

KLARA SPARKS

And I'm Klara Sparks, a naive ditz. Golly gee, let me just get out of your way.

The facility is then ATTACKED by members of THE ORDER.

LEILA NASSIF

We're under attack! Rather than do the same thing they did in Chicago, the Order has now sent in no less than six low-level foot soldiers! We're doooooomed!

ALEX D

I'm probably supposed to distrust you now, but since these Order guys are hostile to begin with, I'll protect you from them.

LEILA NASSIF

Thanks. Meanwhile I'm going to disappear so you can pursue me halfway around the world for a good portion of the game.

BILLIE ADAMS

I'm going to do that too, except I'll still make appearances on holographic terminals near you, somehow always knowing where you are.

ALEX kills the ORDER MEMBERS and is contacted by LIN-MAY CHEN.

LIN-MAY CHEN

Alex, I'm an important NPC, which is why I'm also appearing to you through a holographic terminal. To prevent you from killing me at this point, it's either that or keeping bulletproof glass between us.

ALEX D

What do you want?

LIN-MAY CHEN

I work for the Order. I'm going to be giving you objectives for the next few levels, even though as far as you know, we just killed everyone you held dear. Now head outside.

EXT. CITY CENTRE - UPPER SEATTLE

SEATTLE is divided into an UPPER AND LOWER PART with an INCLINATOR connecting the two.

ALEX D

The only form of transportation between the rich and poor areas of Seattle is a single freight elevator that regularly breaks down and can't carry more than a few dozen people? Way to go, society.

DEVELOPER HARVEY SMITH

Tut tut, it's called an Inclinator. We ran the word "elevator" through a thesaurus and got that. It sounds way cooler.

ALEX runs into a friendly ORDER MEMBER.

ORDER MEMBER

Greetings, friend. Have you hugged a tree today?

ALEX D

What is the Order anyway?

ORDER MEMBER

It's a hodgepodge of the positive aspects of all major religions and philosophies. We speak of inner peace and natural balance using insulting generalisations and sooooooothing voices.

ALEX D

Then why do you all carry around guns and whip them out at the slightest provocation?

ORDER MEMBER

(draws weapon)

HEARD SOMETHING!

ALEX heads inside a COFFEE SHOP and opens up a steaming cup of TENUOUS SUBPLOT.

SHOP OWNER

Would you like to help me by expending a certain amount of resources in exchange for monetary remuneration or a set of different resources?

ALEX D

The fact that you're asking a complete stranger to do your dirty work for you speaks volumes about the both of us.

SHOP OWNER

It's going to happen a lot more, so better get used to it.

In the back of the COFFEE SHOP is a KIOSK displaying a HOLOGRAPHIC POP STAR.

NG RESONANCE

Hello, I'm NG Resonance. While the real me is an obnoxious and conceited pop star, my holographic representation is actually a data mining surveillance program operated by the intelligence community!

ALEX D

Just like Britney Spears!

ALEX is then contacted by DONNA MORGAN, security chief for the WORLD TRADE ORGANISATION.

ALEX D

Man, my Infolink has the worst firewall.

DONNA MORGAN

Alex, I work for the WTO, which is basically the same generalised concept as the Order, but promoting materialism and economic progress instead. We centralise everything, which is why all weapons are manufactured by Mako Ballistics and all security services are provided by a single company. A company that actually calls itself "standard", by the way.

ALEX D

Wasn't it the overcentralisation of society that facilitated its collapse at the end of the last game? I ask because apparently we're assuming all three endings happened, no matter how mutually exclusive they were.

DONNA MORGAN

True, but I think it's more a narrative justification for developmental constraints.

ALEX D

So you guys are the people who phone me up and tell me about pyramid schemes, while the Order are the guys that stop me in the street and ask me if I've found Jesus. I don't think there's anything that could make any of you more annoying.

DONNA MORGAN

Oh, there's another point to beat you over the head with. We fund enclaves for the rich and appropriately build them right on top of the poor.

ALEX D

You don't have to exaggerate inequality like that. It's bad enough the developers decided to make poor and sleazy NPCs such as janitors and construction workers sound like Gilbert Gottfried.

DONNA MORGAN

Now, the WTO and the Order are constantly at each other's throats, which means we'll be giving you loads of conflicting objectives. Conveniently enough, all those objectives will nevertheless take you to the same locations. We want you to go to Mako Ballistics and investigate a weapon called the Mag Rail that's being designed there.

LIN-MAY CHEN

Yes, we also want you to go there and do that! Just make sure to kill the weapon's designer when you see him.

ALEX D

And how do I get there?

DONNA MORGAN

We have a helicopter locked down at our terminal, so feel free to murder a bunch of WTO guards and commandeer it.

ALEX D

Don't mind if I do. One last thing, why are so many important NPCs female now?

DONNA MORGAN

Oh, we need to offset the previous game's predominantly male cast. I mean, there was really only Anna Navarre.

INT. MAKO BALLISTICS - UPPER SEATTLE

ALEX enters MAKO BALLISTICS.

ALEX D

Ah yes, infiltrating high-security compounds. The hallmark of RPGs that extoll player choice.

DONNA MORGAN

I noncommittally recommend a stealthy approach. Be sure to hide bodies from sight.

ALEX knocks out a GUARD and attempts to gently move his BODY. He FLINGS it into the CEILING instead.

ALEX D

Holy fuck! I think the physics engine has been poorly calibrated. This does make hiding them pretty easy, though.

(tosses more bodies around)

Wheeeee, this is fun!

Eventually, ALEX finds the MAG RAIL. He talks to the SCIENTIST who designed it.

ALEX D

Neat gun. Mind if I have a look?

SCIENTIST

Despite having no clue who you are or how you made your way into a secure facility, I'll open the case for you. Just to be careful though, I'm only going to do so from the safety of my office.

ALEX D

Hasn't it been repeatedly established that the Mag Rail fires through walls? You ought to know, you designed the fucking thing.

SCIENTIST

Oh, a lecture on stupidity from someone who can't even be expected to remember security codes.

After acquiring the MAG RAIL, ALEX finds the FACILITY DIRECTOR, STAN CARNEGIE.

STAN CARNEGIE

The Mag Rail was commissioned by the Knights Templar. As it turns out, they are a splinter group of the Order and were responsible for the attacks on the Tarsus facilities, which means we were actually making weapons for the very people that have set out to destroy us. Doy!

ALEX D

Naturally, because the Knights Templar haven't been pigeonholed as the bad guys in nearly enough games.

STAN CARNEGIE

Yeah, but this time it's just a generically evil faction of bigot extremists that want to rid the world of all biomodification. Honestly, does anyone even know what the real Knights Templar actually did?

ALEX D

Hey, you've got the same voice actor as Walton Simons. Does that mean you're his clone?

STAN CARNEGIE

We're going to provide no explanation for that, in the hopes that avid Deus Ex fans will fill in the blanks themselves.

ALEX D

So you're basically inserting a bunch of winks and nods to the original game to bank on its nostalgia factor, instead of allowing this game to make an impression on its own merits?

(briefly looks around)

Okay, I can see why you would be doing that.

STAN CARNEGIE

Now go to Cairo. That's where Dr. Nassif fled to.

EXT. MEDINA - CAIRO

To play up the SUFFERING of the people outside the WTO ENCLAVES, CAIRO is being polluted by an AIRBORNE PLAGUE.

ALEX D

What kind of plague is this?

DEVELOPER HARVEY SMITH

A common nanite swell. Where Deus Ex provided enough technobabble to make even the most implausible technologies seem like they weren't, we've just put "nano" or "nanite" in front of anything we need to explain away.

ALEX runs into LEO JANKOWSKI.

LEO JANKOWSKI

Hey, Chicago. Yes, I'm actually going to use the word "coincidence" to explain why I'm also in Cairo. I'm working for the Omar now.

ALEX D

Why?

LEO JANKOWSKI

They speak in a slow monotone so the subtitles can easily catch up to their lines. I was getting so sick of those awkward pauses in conversations.

ALEX D

(awkward pause)

I know, right?

ALEX heads for an ORDER MOSQUE.

INT. ORDER MOSQUE - CAIRO

Inside the MOSQUE, ALEX meets SAMAN, who just HAS TO BE EVIL.

SAMAN

Greetings. To come across as smart and bookish, I will distinctly enunciate my lines and use words like "pliable" and "substrate."

ALEX D

Okay, this has been bugging me for a while now. Why do we all hold out our arms to the side like we're stuck in a perpetual shrug?

SAMAN

Oh yeah, I think the animators just got lazy and copied over our reference pose into our idle animation.

ALEX D

Makes sense, since they also didn't bother with any reload animations for my weapons and just made up some shit about universal ammunition or something.

SAMAN

I'm guessing that was more because they weren't sure Xbox users could handle the concept of multiple ammo types.

LIN-MAY CHEN

Enough optional exposition! Dr. Nassif is in a lab operated by a group called ApostleCorp, which uses Tarsus as a front. Go there and kill her.

DONNA MORGAN

Or, y'know, go there and don't kill her.

INT. APOSTLECORP LAB - CAIRO

Upon entering the LAB, ALEX is greeted by KLARA SPARKS.

KLARA SPARKS

I'm working for the WTO now, Alex. I'm here to keep Dr. Nassif alive.

ALEX D

Please stay here and allow me to go in alone, even though the Order has ordered me to kill her and you can't be sure where my allegiance lies.

KLARA SPARKS

Oh sure, I wouldn't want to get in the way or something.

ALEX fights his way through the LAB. He passes through RADIATION but survives by eating some BREAD he found in a DUMPSTER. Eventually, he finds LEILA NASSIF.

LEILA NASSIF

Hah, I am behind bulletproof glass, which means you have to hear me out before you can do anything else! You are actually -- wait for it -- A MOTHERFUCKING CLONE OF MOTHERFUCKING JC DENTON!

ALEX D

What a surprise to anyone who didn't pay even the slightest bit of attention during Deus Ex' final level! Too bad the emotional impact of your revelation is completely undone by these stilted dialogue scenes and an utter lack of facial animations.

LEILA NASSIF

You'd think the voice work would have to pick up some of the slack as a result of those limitations, but your delivery is so fucking flat and lifeless. Emote, goddamnit!

ALEX D

I think I'll just explicitly state what I'm feeling instead, which is general discontent!

LEILA NASSIF

Whatever. JC is alive and needs your help. To find out more, you'll have to go see Tracer Tong, a character from the previous game whose ideals have been completely flipped around.

ALEX heads for TRIER to find TONG.

EXT. STREETS - TRIER

Once in TRIER, ALEX is asked to go see CHAD DUMIER, CHAIRMAN of the WTO.

CHAD DUMIER

Yes, I appeared briefly in the previous game, but now I've got a bigger role that comes with a last name. Note that I've completely abandoned my pacifist anti-establishment principles, as illustrated by my readiness to blame JC Denton for the downfall of society.

ALEX D

What do you want?

CHAD DUMIER

The leader of the Order has been kidnapped and taken to the Black Gate laboratory. Find and rescue her. Incidentally, Tracer Tong also needs you to complete an objective there, so you might want to go see him first if you don't feel like running around twice as much. He's at the Nine Worlds Tavern.

ALEX D

Seriously? He made JC complete a shitload of extraneous quests before letting him into his high-security compound, and now he's just waiting at the back of a dingy bar without any fuss?

CHAD DUMIER

Of course, he could at least trust JC to get shit done for him. The developers don't even trust you to know the difference between bullets and rockets.

ALEX D

Point taken.

INT. NINE WORLDS TAVERN - TRIER

ALEX finds TRACER TONG.

TRACER TONG

I'm working with JC Denton. He merged with an AI called Helios but turned off his console during the transfer. He's now in Antarctica waiting for a cure, which is you.

ALEX D

So that is my purpose in life. I'm a walking cure for JC.

TRACER TONG

Pretty much. There's a teleporter in the Black Gate laboratory that'll take you to him. Do you have any questions that aren't about how that teleporter works?

ALEX D

Just one. Why do my lines only seem to consist of either questions or rewordings of what is said to me?

DEVELOPER HARVEY SMITH

I'll field that one. Basically we can't expect Xbox users to keep getting up from their couches to read fine print off their television sets, so most of the exposition now has to be conveyed through dialogue instead of datacubes and mails. We kinda had to make you an idiot so it wouldn't seem unnatural when every NPC starts rambling off entire Wikipedia entries.

INT. BLACK GATE LAB - TRIER

After passing through a POINTLESS TRANSITION LEVEL, ALEX infiltrates the BLACK GATE LABORATORY. He finds a PRISON CELL where the ORDER LEADER is being held. It turns out to be NICOLETTE DUCLARE, which comes as a surprise to ABSOLUTELY NO ONE.

NICOLETTE DUCLARE

Time for another earth-shattering revelation! The Order and the WTO are actually part of the Illuminati! Both organisations were set up to first adequately accommodate man's innate desire for conflict and then be reconciled into a single government entity.

ALEX D

Wait, your plan was to create two distinct and opposing factions for people to dedicate their entire lives to, and then come out and say it was all a big hoax? That's fucking ridiculous. I bet the artists who made all the models and textures for the Order and the WTO are feeling pretty stupid now.

NICOLETTE DUCLARE

Well hey, Deus Ex already incorporated every real world conspiracy theory into its storyline. We were left scraping the barrel for leftovers and coming up with our own.

CHAD DUMIER

Join me Alex, and we will rule the world from the shadows by elevating those worthy to positions of authority. And by "those worthy," I mean myself, naturally.

ALEX D

You'd allow the world to be governed by the likes of yourself, someone who has repeatedly demonstrated himself to be a ruthless and immoral individual?

CHAD DUMIER

Oh hell yes. Now do as I say or I'll kill Klara Sparks.

KLARA SPARKS

Oh gosh, I hope I'm not being a bother.

CHAD DUMIER

Head through the teleporter while I make caustic remarks and openly doubt whether or not it'll even work.

EXT. JC DENTON'S SANCTUARY - ANTARCTICA

ALEX is teleported to ANTARCTICA. He sees CLYDE THE GRAY ALIEN.

CLYDE THE GRAY ALIEN

Wurble wurble!

(beat)

Oh wait, we speak English now, even though we were apparently taught by Mork from Ork.

ALEX D

Oh for fuck's sake, at least Deus Ex created a futuristic world that still felt contemporary and familiar. Am I now really talking to an alien on an Antarctica ice shelf?

CLYDE THE GRAY ALIEN

And there are penguins too! Anyways, we've been watching over JC, but the Knights Templar have arrived. They're being led by Saman, who has converted Billie Adams to his cause.

INT. JC DENTON'S SANCTUARY - ANTARCTICA

ALEX is told to REVIVE JC DENTON, who has nevertheless already managed to send an INFOLINK MESSAGE a while ago. He enters the SANCTUARY, which is partly made up of POORLY RENDERED VERSIONS of a select few DEUS EX LEVELS. In the last one, BILLIE appears OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE.

BILLIE ADAMS

I'm going to stop you, Alex! I could have killed JC fucking ages ago, but I decided to wait for you instead. I even took the time to place a bunch of turrets around the area.

ALEX D

And they say I'm the stupid one.

Because she keeps RUNNING CIRCLES around a CONTAINMENT POD, BILLIE is EASILY DEFEATED. ALEX then revives JC DENTON.

JC DENTON

Look at me, floating on motherfucking blue particles, and I'm still wearing the same clothes from the last game.

ALEX D

I will overlook the fact that this may very well be a subtle indication that the real JC Denton is long gone and you're just a physical manifestation of the Helios AI he merged with.

JC DENTON

I'm planning a Great Advance, which consists of disseminating biomodification to every human being on the planet, thereby levelling the playing field and ensuring that nobody is left out because of a lack of ability. Join me Alex, and we will be the models for this global democracy.

ALEX D

And in this perfect society where everyone is each other's equal, who's going to still want to collect garbage and scrub toilets? It will be chaos! Incredibly smelly chaos!

JC DENTON

Psh, any argument against my plan can be shot down by the notion that my thought process now exists on a level beyond human comprehension. Now go back to Cairo and rescue my brother Paul, who was apparently retconned into always surviving the previous game.

INT. ARCOLOGY - CAIRO

ALEX enters the ARCOLOGY, which is shaped like a PYRAMID SCHEME. He is contacted by SAMAN.

SAMAN

Get ready for the one aspect in which this game is actually superior to Deus Ex! You can now choose to side with the blatantly evil faction, no matter how inconsistent that would be with your actions up to this point!

ALEX D

Yeah, I don't actually see that as an improvement?

SAMAN

Join me Alex, and we will purge the world of biomodification. I realise you yourself are up to your eyes in biomods, so it's more than likely I'll end up killing you for your troubles. I'm also not going to stop demeaning and insulting you, you complete moron.

ALEX D

And how exactly would any of that make me want to join you?

SAMAN

I have no idea, especially since it's also painfully obvious I just need another patsy chump now that Billie's gone. Seriously, the only way I can see my ending happening is when overachieving players complete them all to wring every possible piece of content from this game.

ALEX D

I'll just catch it on YouTube.

ALEX heads for the FLIGHT BAY where PAUL DENTON is being held.

SECURITY GUARD

Careful, there's a military bot in there. That thing's huge.

ALEX D

That's okay, I've got this horribly improbable biomod that enhances my melee attacks with an EMP charge. So I can just use the robot's ridiculously hilarious turning animation to run circles around it and poke it to death.

That HAPPENS. ALEX then finds PAUL, who is in CRYONIC SUSPENSION, which means he's STANDING INSIDE A BOX AND LOOKING AROUND.

PAUL DENTON

I only just came out of a coma, but that should be no impediment to instantly comprehending the current state of affairs. You must get to Liberty Island, where JC plans to start his Great Advance. Concurrently, every other faction will also have a base there, with each faction's nominal leader physically present and packing a gun.

ALEX D

Meaning that combat is going to be the only way to resolve this. Swell.

EXT. LIBERTY ISLAND - NEW YORK

ALEX arrives on LIBERTY ISLAND and meets with JC.

JC DENTON

I'm now all-powerful, capable of controlling the weather and shaping entire objects and buildings out of thin air. In fact, I just threw up some walls of ice so Liberty Island could be divided into several smaller sections in order to cope with the Xbox' memory limitations.

ALEX D

I look forward to again sitting through a bunch of loading screens to complete objectives across multiple levels.

JC DENTON

Oh definitely, because despite my powers and purported invulnerability, I'm still going to stay right here. Meanwhile you, the very linchpin of my plan, can risk life and limb to get what I need to accomplish my Great Advance, which is the global communications protocol in the ruins of the UNATCO HQ.

ALEX D

Doesn't that mean that the key to restoring the global infrastructure has been sitting in a decrepit building surrounded by bums all these years?

JC DENTON

Surely now you see why a Great Advance is utterly necessary!

ALEX wanders LIBERTY ISLAND and finds LEO JANKOWSKI, who has turned into an OMAR.

LEO JANKOWSKI

I'm apprehensive about the involuntary modifications made to my body, which makes me a mouthpiece for the anxiety you're supposed to be feeling about all these factions wanting to force their world view onto humanity. Join me Alex, and we'll kill all these fuckers and, in an ironic twist of fate, allow the Omar to inherit the Earth.

ALEX D

I'll give you the same answer I gave everybody else. "I'll think about it."

ALEX heads inside the UNATCO HQ and finds the COMMUNICATIONS PROTOCOL.

ALEX D

Naturally I can still change my mind at the last minute, especially since every faction I've acted against has been pretty forgiving about my transgressions. What to do, what to do?

JC DENTON

PERFECT DEMOCRACY!

CHAD DUMIER

BENIGN DICTATORSHIP!

SAMAN

HUMAN PURITY!

OMAR

NATURAL SELECTION!

ALEX D

I guess I'll choose to help JC, because, let's face it, I used to be him. Anything else would be like cheating on myself.

JC DENTON

Yes! I knew all that ham-handed Jesus Christ symbolism would pay off.

JC links up ALL OF HUMANITY to the HELIOS AI.

HELIOS

And now a final speech to imply that I'm going to assimilate you all into a single consciousness, completely going back on the many assurances made that everyone would still retain their individuality. Suck it, humanity!

PUBLISHER EIDOS INTERACTIVE

Oh fuck off, the next one we're just going to do ourselves.

THE END

Further reading: 

Comments

Great, hilarious 'playthrough'. I think you covered most of it, except that the reason JC made Liberty Island into an iceberg was more to do with the fact that the developers were unable to make working water for this game than needing nanites to stay cool; the only times you see "water" in the game is the particle effects from the taps, some steam, and a stream running down a wall in Seattle.

Very nice. As silly as they

Very nice. As silly as they are, Deus Ex games still give you enough illusion of player choice and micro-freedom that they are actually really great. realistically you can criticize the S#it out of absolutely every game, movie and even a real life situation, so these flaws are not indicative of an outright bad game. Deus Ex Invisible War is a stinker in many regards, but even then, up until Alpha Protocol came out half a decade later there was nothing closer to Deus Ex 1 than the Deus Ex 2. In the end Invisible War is a nice experience as long as you manage to ignore quite a lot of annoyances. I played it through 2 times and would certainly consider re-playing it again.

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