BioShock Infinite - The Movie

Comstock could not shake the impression the sculptors had made him look like Davy Jones.
Comstock could not shake the impression the sculptors had made him look like Davy Jones.

FADE IN:

EXT. COAST OF MAINE - 1912

BOOKER DEWITT is seated in a ROWBOAT alongside THE LUTECE TWINS, ROBERT and ROSALIND.

ROBERT LUTECE

Hmm, we seem to be on a boat.

ROSALIND LUTECE

As opposed to what?

ROBERT LUTECE

I remember it being a plane once.

ROSALIND LUTECE

Curious. Let's get to the bottom of this.

ROBERT LUTECE

That would require going down. We have to go up.

BOOKER DEWITT

Uhh, when you guys are done with your Rosencrantz and Guildenstern skit, could you tell me what my mission is?

ROSALIND LUTECE

You have to find and rescue a girl who's being held captive by a winged creature in the highest tower of a distant place. You're doing this on behalf of someone else and entirely for personal gain.

BOOKER DEWITT

So basically I'm Shrek.

BOOKER is dropped off at a LIGHTHOUSE. He heads INSIDE and finds RELIGIOUS IMAGERY and also A DEAD BODY.

BOOKER DEWITT

Oh my God! There are coins next to this corpse! Ka-ching!

At the top of the LIGHTHOUSE, he finds a SHUTTLE with a CHAIR in it.

BOOKER DEWITT

Hmm, a chair with obvious wrist restraints. I think I'll still act dumbfounded when they inevitably clamp shut.

As soon as BOOKER sits down, the SHUTTLE TAKES OFF, breaks through the CLOUDS and docks at COLUMBIA, the CITY that told GRAVITY to FUCK OFF.

INT. WELCOME CENTRE - COLUMBIA

BOOKER exits the SHUTTLE and walks into a CHAPEL, which is lit by HUNDREDS OF CANDLES.

BOOKER DEWITT

What is it with religions and the uncanny talent to keep a shitload of candles burning?

He notices that the CHAPEL is partially FLOODED.

BOOKER DEWITT

Okay, I get that this shallow water is supposed to symbolise baptism and maybe even catch people off guard by evoking the feel of Rapture, but have you ever tried to descend a flooded staircase? I'm gonna break my neck.

BOOKER successfully navigates the STAIRCASE and walks up to PREACHER WITTING delivering a SERMON.

PREACHER WITTING

And lo, if Ken Levine had simply done another one in Rapture, it would have been enough! And if he had just remade System Shock, it would have been enough!

(smiles at camera)

Is it someone nyeeeeew?

BOOKER DEWITT

I just want to get into the city.

PREACHER WITTING

The only way to Columbia is through rebirth in the waters of baptism! Tough luck if you're the type who finds that sort of thing offensive.

PREACHER WITTING baptises BOOKER, but HOLDS HIM UNDER TOO LONG.

BOOKER DEWITT

Oh no, a city in the sky and I'm drowning in it, whereas the underwater Rapture allowed no such thing! The irony is killing me! Glub blub blub.

EXT. COMSTOCK CENTRE - COLUMBIA

BOOKER regains CONSCIOUSNESS and enters COLUMBIA, which looks like DISNEYLAND MAIN STREET U.S.A. as envisioned by BAZ LUHRMANN.

BOOKER DEWITT

How quaint! I'm positive this bright turn-of-the-century slice of idealised Americana isn't a sheen to cover up a thoroughly corrupted dark side. Surely not.

He walks through a CHEERY FUNFAIR that offers OPTIONAL TUTORIAL FUN for the WHOLE FAMILY.

CONCESSION GIRL

Would you like to try a vigor, sir? They're like plasmids, but totally free! No need to jam a needle in your arm or harvest the sea slug from a little girl's stomach lining!

BOOKER DEWITT

You're just handing these out to anyone? What does this one do?

CONCESSION GIRL

It allows you to shoot a sexy green ghost from your hand that will seduce your target into fighting for you! Here, this Terry Gilliam animation will show you.

Up ahead is a POSTER warning people to look out for THE FALSE SHEPHERD, who has THE LETTERS AD marked on his HAND, just like BOOKER does.

BOOKER DEWITT

Oh no, they're looking for me based on a weirdly specific identifying mark! If only there were some piece of clothing that I could comfortably fit over my hand. Like a hand sock or something. Ah well.

BOOKER passes through the FUNFAIR and approaches A PODIUM where ROBBER BARON STEREOTYPE JEREMIAH FINK is hosting A RAFFLE.

JEREMIAH FINK

Step right up, people! It's time for our annual celebration of religiously instituted white supremacy!

BOOKER DEWITT

Say whaaaaat?

After BOOKER is given AN ALL-AMERICAN BASEBALL, a CAPTIVE INTERRACIAL COUPLE is wheeled out.

BOOKER DEWITT

So uncool!

JEREMIAH FINK

Now, will you partake in this hate crime and maintain your incredibly flimsy cover or throw the ball at me and risk exposing yourself? Choose!

BOOKER DEWITT

What an agonising moral dilemma! Am I a racist scumbag or not? Eh, I'll just see what happens when I throw the ball at the couple on my second playthrough.

Right before BOOKER throws the BASEBALL at FINK, he is GRABBED by a POLICE OFFICER.

POLICE OFFICER

Look, he's got AD on his hand! Why am I the first to notice this? We put those posters up for a reason, people!

JEREMIAH FINK

Quick, bury your trusty skyhook in his face!

The POLICE OFFICER brings out A BUZZSAW GRAPPLING HOOK. BOOKER manages to TAKE IT and GRINDS OFF THE OFFICER'S FACE, which causes the CROWD to VANISH INSTANTLY because VIOLENCE.

BOOKER DEWITT

Whoa, I've only just come to terms with the sudden revelation of racism. Let's space the jarring transitions out a bit more.

After killing A BUNCH MORE POLICE OFFICERS, BOOKER suddenly runs into THE LUTECE TWINS, whose FOPPISH ACCENTS and MUSICAL MOTIF make it seem like they came straight out of NO ONE LIVES FOREVER.

BOOKER DEWITT

The fact that you guys managed to follow me up here utterly underwhelms me.

ROSALIND LUTECE

We visited the Halo universe and got you a recharging shield!

ROBERT LUTECE

We also stopped by the Team Fortress 2 universe on the way back and arranged for randomised gear drops in the form of jaunty hats and other assorted clothes that do weird things.

ROSALIND LUTECE

Now, the girl you seek resides within the statue of Columbia over there. You'll have to use the skylines to get there. They're meant to ferry cargo throughout the city, but most of them are just closed loops covering a single area.

ROBERT LUTECE

Kind of like this game's storyline, if you stop to think about it.

ROSALIND LUTECE

Oh right, inescapable determinism! We forgot to demonstrate that with a coin toss.

ROBERT LUTECE

We'll do it next time. It was just going to be heads again anyways.

BOOKER takes out his SKYHOOK, which YANKS HIM UP to the SKYLINE.

BOOKER DEWITT

Fucking magnets, how do they work?

After traversing the SKYLINE and NOT DISLOCATING HIS SHOULDER, BOOKER sees a VIDEO DEVICE that displays the face of ZACHARY COMSTOCK. His VOICE is OVERLAPPED with an ECHO in a DEEPER PITCH, which makes him sound like THE MANY.

ZACHARY COMSTOCK

You have come from the Sodom below to lead our lamb astray! I see every sin of your blackened soul! God, I love this biblical talk. You can just keep going, you know? Archangel! Prophet! Flock! Amen!

BOOKER DEWITT

Who are you?

ZACHARY COMSTOCK

I am Zachary Comstock, leader of the Founders. I created Columbia so that I could run it as a theocratic dictatorship that reveres the Founding Fathers as deities.

BOOKER DEWITT

Didn't Thomas Jefferson coin the phrase "separation of church and state?" And I'm pretty sure Benjamin Franklin promoted egalitarianism. Then there's George Washington, who fiercely opposed --

ZACHARY COMSTOCK

Silence! Kill him, my loyal minions!

SCREAMING SOLDIERS come running into BOOKER'S BULLETS.

BOOKER DEWITT

Hmm, seems religion turns you just as shitfuck crazy as plasmids.

INT. MONUMENT ISLAND - COLUMBIA

BOOKER enters the STATUE and locates THE GIRL, who is named ELIZABETH and looks like ALL OF THE DISNEY PRINCESSES, right down to the FREAKISHLY HUGE EYES.

ELIZABETH

Eek, who are you? I'd go wide-eyed with surprise if that wasn't already my default face!

BOOKER DEWITT

My name is Booker DeWitt. I'm here to rescue you.

ELIZABETH

Let's go! Come on, it's this way!

(notices two-way mirrors)

Wait, they were monitoring me this whole time?

BOOKER DEWITT

How exactly do you know the way in a place that still springs that kind of surprise on you?

BOOKER and ELIZABETH are then ATTACKED by SONGBIRD, a GIANT BIOMECHANICAL PARAKEETMAN.

BOOKER DEWITT

Holy fuck, what the hell is that thing?

ELIZABETH

That's my guardian, but they patterned his behaviour after an abusive boyfriend for some fucked-up reason!

SONGBIRD

LIZ WHERE ARE YOU GOING YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU RIGHT!

SONGBIRD chases BOOKER and ELIZABETH to the top of the STATUE, where he PUSHES THEM OFF. They fall into A BODY OF WATER. SONGBIRD chases after BOOKER, but is forced to RETREAT when the WATER PRESSURE cracks his EYE VISOR.

BOOKER DEWITT

Isn't he supposed to be your protector? Why did he prioritise chasing me over rescuing you when we both went into the water?

ELIZABETH

It's just so typical. And he always has an excuse.

SONGBIRD

BABY I'M SORRY I JUST LOSE CONTROL SOMETIMES I'M SO PASSIONATE ABOUT YOU!

EXT. BATTLESHIP BAY - COLUMBIA

BOOKER washes up on an ARTIFICIAL BEACH alongside ELIZABETH.

ELIZABETH

I just found out that my entire life is a lie, after which I almost fell to my death. Instead of dealing with that in any sort of meaningful way, I'm going to focus on that enchanting music I hear!

BOOKER DEWITT

It sure fits the mood of all these beachgoers not having reacted at all to a bridge collapsing in the water. Followed by a huge angry parakeetman.

ELIZABETH

I'm gonna go check out that music.

BOOKER DEWITT

Even though you're the entire purpose of my presence here, run along. Whatever.

A little while later, BOOKER catches up to ELIZABETH, who is DANCING.

ELIZABETH

This music is so lovely look at me dancing oh my gosh cotton candy is too tasty ooh how wonderful what is that sparkly thing over there?

BOOKER DEWITT

You are so going to be played by Zooey Deschanel in the inevitable movie.

ELIZABETH

Now I want to go to Paris, even though I've already demonstrated that I can whenever I want to!

BOOKER DEWITT

Well, you're in luck! There's an airship called the First Lady that'll head for Paris as soon as we steal it and make it go there.

On the way to the FIRST LADY, ELIZABETH is GRABBED by COMSTOCK'S MEN, but BOOKER BRUTALLY MURDERS THEM UNTIL THEY DIE FROM IT.

ELIZABETH

I can't believe you did that! You're a monster aaaand I'm okay with it.

BOOKER DEWITT

Good, because me murdering people is going to happen a lot more. It's basically all I do. Don't worry, I'll protect you, since looking after headless chickens is every gamer's favourite thing to do.

ELIZABETH

No, I don't need any protecting during combat. Nobody seems to ever target me anyway. It's actually my job to look after you by throwing supplies at you.

BOOKER DEWITT

So it's basically the AI's turn to feel the frustration of an escort mission.

EXT. SOLDIER'S FIELD - COLUMBIA

BOOKER and ELIZABETH head for the FIRST LADY'S AERODROME, which is behind A LOCKED DOOR.

ELIZABETH

Hang on, I can pick that lock for us. I taught myself when I was in the statue.

BOOKER DEWITT

Of course, because you always allow a prisoner to read up on lockpicking.

ELIZABETH

There's the First Lady! Hmm, looks like we need the Shock Jockey vigor to activate the gondola to get to it.

BOOKER DEWITT

Right, I almost forgot about the endless detours. Let's get to the Hall of Heroes and uncover the plot point that comes with it!

They get in an ELEVATOR to the HALL OF HEROES. While BOOKER PUSHSTABS the BUTTON, ELIZABETH is bothered by a BEE.

ELIZABETH

It's going to sting me! Hang on, I'll open an interdimensional tear to get rid of it.

BOOKER DEWITT

You're introducing your powers not through desperate necessity in the face of overwhelming adversity, but because of a goddamn bee? I hope it's not a precedent that manipulating the spacetime continuum is your first response to ostensibly trivial matters.

ELIZABETH

I can help you in combat by opening tears and bringing in useful supplies. All that other stuff I could do in the trailers is gone.

BOOKER DEWITT

Including that thing where you smoosh a lot of pots and pans together to form a deadly projectile? I had a feminist joke prepared for that.

INT. HALL OF HEROES - COLUMBIA

BOOKER and ELIZABETH enter THE HALL OF HEROES.

BOOKER DEWITT

Hmm, according to these opulent sculptures, you're Comstock's daughter! He and your mother locked you in the statue to -- Elizabeth? Could you stop skipping around and staring blankly into space for a moment to react to this revelation?

ELIZABETH

Hey, you're the one who keeps going through trashcans whenever I'm trying to say something important. I just noticed a lockpick in the corner over there.

BOOKER DEWITT

Why are you pointing it out to me? You're the one who picks locks around here.

ELIZABETH

Could you be a dear and carry all of them for me? Thaaaanks.

BOOKER is contacted by CORNELIUS SLATE over a PA SYSTEM.

CORNELIUS SLATE

Booker DeWitt! I remember you from the Wounded Knee Massacre that we both took part in! Comstock claims it was his victory, but it was mine! MIIINE! Why exactly I want the credit for what happened there is beyond me.

ELIZABETH

Booker, were you at Wounded Knee? What happened there?

BOOKER DEWITT

Just find a tear that has Wikipedia in it or something.

CORNELIUS SLATE

My men are being pursued by Comstock, but I'm going to grant them a soldier's death at your hands instead! I've talked it over with them and they're totally okay with it.

BOOKER DEWITT

I don't suppose I could get you to just line them up against a wall?

CORNELIUS SLATE

Don't be ridiculous! ATTACK, MY MEN! THE GLORY OF BATTLE!

SLATE sends in WAVES of his MEN. BOOKER caves in their SKULLS with his SKYHOOK, which is REALLY DURABLE.

BOOKER DEWITT

I don't want to do this, Slate!

He sends out A MURDER OF CROWS to PECK THEM TO DEATH.

BOOKER DEWITT

I have no quarrel with these men!

He then SETS THE CROWS ON FIRE.

BOOKER DEWITT

I hope my reluctance is coming across here!

On their way to find some SHOCK JOCKEY, BOOKER and ELIZABETH pass by AN AFTERSCHOOL SPECIAL of THE WOUNDED KNEE MASSACRE.

BOOKER DEWITT

This racist caricature exhibit of a real historical battle might carry a bit more weight if the other room didn't do the same thing for a fictional version of the Boxer Rebellion.

Eventually, BOOKER finds the SHOCK JOCKEY CACHE guarded by a MOTORISED PATRIOT.

MOTORISED PATRIOT

A formidable foe I would appear,

though you may note upon my rear,

an obvious weak spot all aglow,

so basically I'm just for show.

The PATRIOT still manages to KILL BOOKER, but ELIZABETH RESURRECTS HIM.

ELIZABETH

I have used my powers to bring you back from the dead, essentially switching you over to a universe where you didn't make that asinine combat decision.

BOOKER DEWITT

Oh, so you embody the Vita-Chambers now? Great, thanks.

ELIZABETH

That'll be fifty bucks.

After DEFEATING the PATRIOT, BOOKER opens the CACHE, which turns out to be EMPTY.

ELIZABETH

Look, some footprints have just magically appeared.

They follow the FOOTPRINTS and find SLATE with the last of the SHOCK JOCKEY.

BOOKER DEWITT

Yoink!

CORNELIUS SLATE

Give me the honour of a soldier's death, Booker! Wipe the slate clean! Oh, I just got that.

BOOKER shoots SLATE in the FACE and uses the SHOCK JOCKEY VIGOR to gain ACCESS to the FIRST LADY.

INT. FIRST LADY - COLUMBIA

BOOKER sets a COURSE for NEW YORK, which is NOT PARIS.

ELIZABETH

You're selling me out! Boo hoo!

BOOKER DEWITT

Elizabeth, don't be like that. C'moooon.

ELIZABETH

Hey, have you noticed how this game has been beating you over the head with references to the first BioShock? Time to take it literally!

ELIZABETH knocks out BOOKER with a WRENCH. When he comes to, he finds out that ELIZABETH is GONE and THE FIRST LADY has been TAKEN OVER by DAISY FITZROY.

DAISY FITZROY

I am the leader of the Vox Populi, an anarchist revolutionary group fighting a political struggle against the Founders. That's why my men use the colour red, wear horned helmets and set things on fire a lot. No religious overtone there at all.

BOOKER DEWITT

I want no part of your fight. Give me back my airship. You can't just steal it from someone who stole it in the first place.

DAISY FITZROY

Only if you supply the Vox with enough guns for an uprising. There's a gunsmith in Finkton called Chen Lin who'll help us. I could send pretty much anyone, but I'm sure Columbia's most wanted will be able to move around the easiest.

BOOKER DEWITT

Sure you guys don't want some vigors instead? They'll give you an edge and it might even provide a more interesting challenge curve in combat when you inevitably become enemies later on. Right now it's just regular guys or bullet sponges.

DAISY FITZROY

Nah, guns'll do fine. Off you go. Judging from the way you can harmlessly jump on and off skylines, this thirty foot drop will surely not kill you.

DAISY SHOVES BOOKER off the AIRSHIP, which FUCKING HURTS OKAY.

EXT. FINKTON - COLUMBIA

BOOKER enters FINKTON, where he is CONTACTED by JEREMIAH FINK.

JEREMIAH FINK

Welcome to Finkton! I was flipping through tears one day and caught Fritz Lang's Metropolis, which convinced me the best way to manage a working class is to ruthlessly extort them for profit! I also completely ripped off its visual aesthetic.

BOOKER DEWITT

I guess you missed the part where it's all supposed to be an allegorical social metaphor.

JEREMIAH FINK

I didn't catch the end, another tear was showing There Will Be Blood. I love that movie so much!

(twirls moustache)

BOOKER finds ELIZABETH and CHASES AFTER HER.

ELIZABETH

Get away from me, you brash ne'er-do-well!

To slow BOOKER'S PURSUIT, ELIZABETH uses TEARS to bring in BALLOONS, A FANFARE BAND and A FREIGHT TRAIN.

BOOKER DEWITT

Whoa, this is the kind of stuff you can bring in? Why are you limiting yourself to things that are marginally useful in combat? You're being very selective when it comes to the definition of infinite.

ELIZABETH

Combat is gameplay! This chase is part of a scripted sequence!

ELIZABETH is then CAPTURED by COMSTOCK'S SOLDIERS.

ELIZABETH

Help! I suddenly can't think of a single thing to bring into the world to deal with my captors!

BOOKER kills the SOLDIERS, but is then attacked by A HANDYMAN, which is kind of like A BIG DADDY, only NOT FUN TO FIGHT. He throws BOOKER OFF COLUMBIA.

ELIZABETH

Oh no, you're falling!

BOOKER DEWITT

Relax, I always appear right back where I tripped! What would obviously be the greatest threat in a floating city is in fact a mere slap on the wrist!

ELIZABETH

Didn't I just point out the difference between gameplay and scripted sequences?

BOOKER DEWITT

OOOHHH SSSHHHIII --

ELIZABETH brings in a ZEPPELIN to CATCH BOOKER.

BOOKER DEWITT

Thanks for saving me despite having just learned that I'm basically planning to sell you off. Now will you help me arm an entire uprising to get our airship back while I seemingly change nothing about my intentions?

ELIZABETH

Astonishingly, yes!

BOOKER DEWITT

By the way, where did the Handyman go?

ELIZABETH

I think it got bored and left.

BOOKER and ELIZABETH head for the GUNSHOP, where they learn that CHEN LIN has been taken to THE GOOD TIMES CLUB.

INT. GOOD TIMES CLUB - COLUMBIA

Once inside the CLUB, BOOKER hears FINK'S VOICE over the PA SYSTEM.

JEREMIAH FINK

I like that you're shaking things up a bit, Booker! Business has been a little slow lately. I've got an entire factory churning out vigors which I advertise everywhere, but nobody seems to be using them!

BOOKER DEWITT

Maybe if they had a little more narrative justification. They're only here because BioShock had them.

JEREMIAH FINK

Actually, there's an audio diary around here somewhere which states that I used a tear to reverse engineer them from Rapture's plasmids.

BOOKER DEWITT

If you think about it, that still means they're only here because BioShock had them.

JEREMIAH FINK

Pretty much. Now, I would like for you to be my new chief of security!

BOOKER DEWITT

Okay, where do I fill out an application?

JEREMIAH FINK

Don't be ridiculous! Here, brutally murder scores of my men to prove your worth! I'm really working them to death! Ha ha, capitalism!

BOOKER DEWITT

Jeez, Slate wanting his men to die as soldiers was already paper thin. That's your excuse?

JEREMIAH FINK

I'm such a shithead!

After BRUTALLY MURDERING SCORES OF MEN, BOOKER and ELIZABETH find CHEN LIN, who has been TORTURED TO DEATH.

BOOKER DEWITT

Oh well, we tried. Elizabeth, why not conjure us up some parachutes? It's amazing I didn't think of that before now.

ELIZABETH

Look, we can go through this tear to another universe where Chen Lin is alive. Are you sure you want to do this?

BOOKER DEWITT

I don't know why you're setting that up as a choice, since doing that just appeared as my mission objective. Besides, doesn't it seem really drastic and dismissive to just leave this entire universe and our effect on it behind in order to change one thing about it?

ELIZABETH

Haven't you noticed how this game keeps alluding to more and more sensitive themes only to leave them dangling without meaningfully engaging them? Inconsequentiality is kind of our thing.

ELIZABETH opens the TEAR, which REPLACES the DEAD CHEN LIN with CONFISCATED WEAPONS and FILLS the FORMERLY EMPTY PRISON CELLS with CAPTURED VOX POPULI MEMBERS.

BOOKER DEWITT

Doesn't all this mean we're in a universe where the Vox uprising already failed?

ELIZABETH

Shut up, okay? We don't need another reason why this entire fetch quest makes not a lick of sense.

BOOKER DEWITT

When exactly does the fetch part happen? We just seem to be questing around in circles.

While heading OUTSIDE, they notice that THE SOLDIERS BOOKER KILLED EARLIER are ALIVE AGAIN and REALLY CONFUSED ABOUT THAT.

BOOKER DEWITT

What's wrong with them? I know enemies tend to respawn, but they came back bleeding from the nose.

ELIZABETH

I think their minds are somehow trying to incorporate the memories of when they died in the other universe, because nothing exemplifies a mental strain quite like a nosebleed.

BOOKER DEWITT

Then why hasn't my nose been gushing blood from constantly dying in combat?

ELIZABETH

For the third fucking time, scripted sequence versus gameplay! Never the twain shall meet!

INT. GUNSHOP - COLUMBIA

Once back at the GUNSHOP, BOOKER and ELIZABETH find CHEN LIN, but he's ALSO BLEEDING and working with TOOLS that AREN'T THERE.

ELIZABETH

Booker, we've made a terrible mistake. In this universe, Chen Lin is a shitty mime artist!

BOOKER DEWITT

Actually, I think he's glitching from a universe where he does have his tools. Isn't there a tear through which you can check?

ELIZABETH

There randomly and inconveniently isn't. We'll have to go get his tools from the police impound lot in Shantytown.

BOOKER DEWITT

This whole convoluted mess is still about getting to the First Lady, right? Just checking.

On their way to SHANTYTOWN, BOOKER comes across a TEAR through which MUSIC can be heard.

BOOKER DEWITT

Hey, that's Creedence's Fortunate Son. That explains all the contemporary covers of modern pop songs I've been hearing.

ELIZABETH

Yup, it's interdimensional plagiarism.

BOOKER DEWITT

And this tear over here sounds like it leads to rusty belt sanders operated by screaming cats.

ELIZABETH

No, that's something called Skrillex.

EXT. FINKTON SHANTYTOWN - COLUMBIA

In the ELEVATOR to SHANTYTOWN, ELIZABETH suddenly gets all MELANCHOLIC.

ELIZABETH

You must think me some sort of freak. A magical girl with a parakeetman as her only companion.

BOOKER DEWITT

You just got dealt a bad hand.

ELIZABETH

That is exactly the thing to say to a girl missing her pinky finger.

They enter SHANTYTOWN, which is OCCUPIED by COLUMBIA'S POOR UNDERCLASS.

ELIZABETH

Oh dear, look at the state these poor people are in. They're reduced to begging for food.

BOOKER DEWITT

They're just poor because they're lazy.

ELIZABETH

Booker, that's such a short-sighted argument!

BOOKER DEWITT

No, I'm serious! I've only scoured a couple of trashcans around here and I've already found thirty bucks and plenty of sandwiches.

ELIZABETH

That's even worse! Why aren't you giving any of it to these people?

BOOKER DEWITT

I can't, since I immediately absorb everything I touch. Besides, these people seem pretty resigned to their fate. The official name of their shantytown is Shantytown. You can't get more on the nose than that.

On their way to the POLICE STATION, they check out THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT BAR.

ELIZABETH

Booker, there's a guitar in the basement! Could you strum me a tune?

BOOKER DEWITT

Seriously? That would be horribly out of character for me.

ELIZABETH

Come on, I'll sing an apropos hymn and it'll be super emotionally affecting!

BOOKER DEWITT

No, it'll be incredibly corny and hackneyed.

ELIZABETH

Will the circle --

BOOKER DEWITT

ELIZABETH, NO!

INT. FINKTON POLICE STATION - COLUMBIA

BOOKER and ELIZABETH enter the POLICE STATION and find CHEN LIN'S TOOLS. They also MURDER all the OFFICERS inside, but that's pretty much A GIVEN BY NOW.

ELIZABETH

Look, there is a tear in which the tools are back at Chen Lin's after all! Are you sure you want to do this?

BOOKER DEWITT

Stop asking that and no, I'm fucking well not. We're now heading into another new universe where a quantum-reanimated gunsmith might have access to his tools so that he can craft a bunch of weapons while bleeding all over them, only so that the Vox will give us back the airship that I just randomly selected from plenty of other available ones. We can't even be sure I made the same deal with Fitzroy in that universe.

ELIZABETH

If you lay it out like that, it does seem kind of ridiculous. Don't worry, I'm sure it will all be deconstructed in the end and we'll slap our foreheads while chuckling "Boy, Ken Levine sure pulled the rug out from under us with that one!"

DEVELOPER KEN LEVINE

Uhh -- yes! Totally!

They head through the TEAR and end up in a COLUMBIA that is in the VIOLENT THROES of a FULL-SCALE VOX POPULI REVOLUTION.

BOOKER DEWITT

Oh, this is much better.

ELIZABETH

Did you at any point think this would be civilised? Giving these people guns was the initial idea.

EXT. FINKTON SHANTYTOWN - COLUMBIA

Once outside, ELIZABETH sees a POSTER depicting BOOKER as a MARTYR FOR THE REVOLUTION.

ELIZABETH

It looks like you died in this universe and sparked the uprising of the Vox.

BOOKER DEWITT

Wait, in addition to parallel universes or time travel or whatever else the plot requires, didn't you consider the tears to be a form of wish fulfillment? Then why am I dead here?

ELIZABETH

Uhh --

BOOKER DEWITT

And not only that, but apparently the nonwhite oppressed in this universe needed a white man to rally around. Unless you're deconstructing it, that's racist.

ELIZABETH

I FOUND SOME MONEY, BOOKER! CATCH!

(tosses handful of coins)

On their way to get THE FIRST LADY back from DAISY, BOOKER and ELIZABETH see the VOX POPULI executing a couple of SOLDIERS who are BEGGING FOR THEIR LIVES.

BOOKER DEWITT

How dare you illustrate the dangers of extremism by driving your legitimate grievance to blind hatred! These men had surrendered!

ELIZABETH

Maybe you shouldn't make that point while looting their corpses, Booker.

BOOKER DEWITT

Oh right, I just can't help myself.

EXT. FINK MANUFACTURING - COLUMBIA

BOOKER and ELIZABETH take part in a VOX POPULI ASSAULT on FINK'S FACTORY.

ELIZABETH

Look! The Founders have sent in a zeppelin!

BOOKER DEWITT

Hang on, I'll take care of it!

ELIZABETH

No, wait!

BOOKER boards the ZEPPELIN, kills EVERYONE ABOARD and destroys its ENGINE, which sends it CRASHING DOWN.

ELIZABETH

Booker, that was --

BOOKER DEWITT

Amazing? All in a day's work, honey.

ELIZABETH

No, that was idiotic! You just destroyed a perfectly good airship as part of our quest to get a perfectly good airship!

BOOKER DEWITT

This coming from the person who could make one appear out of thin air.

INT. FINK MANUFACTURING - COLUMBIA

Once inside FINK MANUFACTURING, BOOKER and ELIZABETH see DAISY getting ready to EXECUTE JEREMIAH FINK.

JEREMIAH FINK

Whoa, I'm still in the game?

DAISY FITZROY

Not for long, sucker!

DAISY shoots FINK, paints her FACE with his BLOOD, turns the VOX POPULI against BOOKER and then THREATENS AN INNOCENT YOUNG BOY.

BOOKER DEWITT

Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast! Sorry, I'll stop with the hand idioms.

ELIZABETH

Booker, she's going to kill that kid who I'm going to pretend is Fink's son to give this scene more poignancy! Quick, you distract her while I sneak around back!

BOOKER DEWITT

No problem. I'll just undermine her entire revolution using logical arguments.

BOOKER gets DAISY'S ATTENTION.

BOOKER DEWITT

Hey Daisy! By violently committing outright genocide on the Founders, aren't you sort of proving that they were right to be all racist and keep you bloodthirsty savages under their thumb?

DAISY FITZROY

You're the one who decided to jump through a tear and skip the entire gradual intensification of our struggle against our oppressors!

BOOKER DEWITT

True, but the nature of your revolution implies that a bad system is justified because it could always be replaced by a worse one.

DAISY FITZROY

Wait, where's the girl? I should have been wondering about that way sooner.

ELIZABETH appears and STABS DAISY with A PAIR OF SCISSORS.

DAISY FITZROY

Hork! Let me just inappropriately signify your maturation by bleeding all over you.

(geysers blood, dies)

ELIZABETH

There was no need for that. Anyone who paid attention while going up the statue to rescue me will have noticed that my maturation was already signified plenty. All you've done is ruin my dress!

ELIZABETH runs to the FIRST LADY and LOCKS HERSELF IN THE BACK.

INT. FIRST LADY - COLUMBIA

ELIZABETH emerges in A NEW DRESS and A SHORTER HAIRCUT, because that's how you deal with SHATTERED INNOCENCE.

ELIZABETH

There, this ought to really give the cosplayers something to work with.

(beat)

Booker, are you okay?

BOOKER DEWITT

Sorry, I couldn't help but stare at your ample bosom and I suddenly felt this intense wave of nausea, like it was wrong somehow. Forget it, let's get out of here.

ELIZABETH

Paris or New York, what will it be?

BOOKER DEWITT

Well, every major choice up to now has been consistently preempted or rendered insignificant, so there's OH LOOK AT THAT IT'S SONGBIRD!

SONGBIRD

THERE YOU ARE I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU COME HERE LIZ!

SONGBIRD attacks the FIRST LADY and causes it to CRASH.

SONGBIRD

SORRY SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU I'M NOT LIKE THAT YOU KNOW ME!

EXT. COMSTOCK HOUSE - COLUMBIA

BOOKER and ELIZABETH recover from the CRASH.

ELIZABETH

Songbird is controlled by Comstock. Looks like we'll have to go deal with him before we can get out of Columbia.

BOOKER DEWITT

I'd say he's way overdue for another appearance or a mention even. Don't the villains in these games generally have a constantly threatening presence?

After BOOKER RIFLES THROUGH THE LUGGAGE of PEOPLE DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET AWAY, he and ELIZABETH head for COMSTOCK HOUSE.

ELIZABETH

Hmm, the gate to Comstock House is sealed with a modern biometric lock.

BOOKER DEWITT

I suppose it's useless to point out that glaring anachronism. "A tear did it", right?

ELIZABETH

Right. It seems to be keyed to my mother, Lady Comstock. Let's go cut off her hand!

BOOKER DEWITT

(gravely)

Think about what you're doing, Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH

You've been liberally lobbing off people's heads. Why are you suddenly so squeamish?

BOOKER DEWITT

Fine, let the manly man do it.

BOOKER and ELIZABETH visit LADY COMSTOCK'S GRAVE. As BOOKER approaches the COFFIN, COMSTOCK springs a TRAP and uses ELIZABETH'S POWERS to turn LADY COMSTOCK into A QUANTUM SUPERPOSITION OF HER ALIVE AND DEAD STATE -- OH FUCK IT, A GHOST.

LADY COMSTOCK

I am so pissed off! I'm gonna go and raise the dead!

BOOKER DEWITT

Well, obviously shooting her won't work oh wait it totally does!

ELIZABETH

Damn you, violence!

BOOKER shoots at LADY COMSTOCK and actually DAMAGES HER ENOUGH to send her RUNNING. Or FLOATING, WHATEVER.

ELIZABETH

After her! I don't know whether a ghost still has fingerprints, but if shooting her works, all bets are off!

The LUTECE TWINS suddenly appear.

ROSALIND LUTECE

Hold your mechanical horses! There are three plot points to uncover along the way. They're contained within tears, because what don't they do, right?

ROBERT LUTECE

Just in case though, we made sure each tear also drops an audio diary when it closes.

ROSALIND LUTECE

That's not very consistent.

ROBERT LUTECE

Our consistency is indeed a matter of debate.

ROSALIND LUTECE

Does matter even factor into it?

BOOKER DEWITT

Okay, enough with the playfully confounding ambiguity of language! We'll go look for the tears.

While chasing down LADY COMSTOCK, BOOKER comes across the EXPOSITION TEARS.

BOOKER DEWITT

According to this tear, Comstock was actually sterile! He had Lady Comstock and the Lutece twins killed because they knew you weren't really his daughter!

ELIZABETH

Maybe we can get some answers from Lady Comstock if you'd stop shooting her for two seconds.

Eventually, BOOKER manages to push back LADY COMSTOCK towards THE GATE.

ELIZABETH

Booker, in addition to a quantum whatever, I think she's also a manifestation of my unresolved anger and confusion!

BOOKER DEWITT

I suppose there was a tear showing Inception somewhere?

ELIZABETH

In that case, I can deal with her by coming to terms with my feelings towards her, even though she's really based on a skewed fantasy of parental abandonment I had built up in my head.

LADY COMSTOCK

So which part of this catharsis is meant to actually serve me? The fact that ninety percent of it was some guy shooting me didn't help either. Feh, it'll have to do. Now go deal with Comstock!

LADY COMSTOCK SMASHES through THE GATE, because VIOLENCE. Right before BOOKER and ELIZABETH enter COMSTOCK HOUSE, SONGBIRD shows up AGAIN.

SONGBIRD

GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER DUDE I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL BUST YOU UP!

BOOKER DEWITT

How come you still have the cracked eye visor? Shouldn't you be an entirely different Songbird?

SONGBIRD

I FOUND AN INTERDIMENSIONAL PLOT HOLE AND WENT THROUGH IT!

SONGBIRD attacks BOOKER and is about to KILL HIM.

ELIZABETH

No, don't! I'm sorry I stopped putting up with you! If you leave him alone, you can take me back!

SONGBIRD

AWW BABE I KNEW YOU'D SEE THINGS MY WAY LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

SONGBIRD flies off with ELIZABETH. When BOOKER gives chase and enters COMSTOCK HOUSE, he is PULLED through a TEAR.

BOOKER DEWITT

What? Not again!

INT. COMSTOCK HOUSE - COLUMBIA

While moving through COMSTOCK HOUSE, which is filled with SOME REALLY WEIRD SHIT, BOOKER finds ELIZABETH, who is AN OLD WOMAN.

OLD ELIZABETH

This is the future, Booker. Or a future or a probability or somesuch. Comstock brutally conditioned me into becoming his heir and forced me to rain fire down on New York.

BOOKER sees COLUMBIA destroying NEW YORK OF 1984.

BOOKER DEWITT

But Columbia looks exactly like it did in 1912. How exactly is it winning? With horses and bayonets?

OLD ELIZABETH

Ehh, let's say quantum again. It's basically our ADAM. Anyways, here's the key to defeating Songbird. Now I will use the last of my strength to send you back to 1912.

BOOKER is thrown BACK TO THE PAST and races to find ELIZABETH, who is being BRUTALLY BENT TO COMSTOCK'S WILL by a bunch of SCIENTISTS.

BOOKER DEWITT

I've come to rescue you again! Hopefully it won't involve falling off things this time!

ELIZABETH

Booker! Hang on, I'll deal with these people in a visually interesting way so it can go into a trailer!

ELIZABETH opens A TEAR to A CORNFIELD BEING RAVAGED BY A TORNADO, which KILLS THE SCIENTISTS. BOOKER then FREES HER.

ELIZABETH

How did you get here?

BOOKER DEWITT

I was pulled into the future by a ninety-year-old version of you.

ELIZABETH

Really? What did I look like? Do my cheeks sag a lot? Will these crow's feet get much worse?

BOOKER DEWITT

That's beside the point! You gave me a way to defeat Songbird, but you put it in some kind of code instead of just telling me straight.

ELIZABETH

Shit, I'm a Dan Brown fan?

BOOKER DEWITT

Another reason why we can't allow that future to happen.

ELIZABETH

I want to make Comstock pay for what he is going to have done to me. He's in The Hand of the Prophet, his flagship.

INT. THE HAND OF THE PROPHET - COLUMBIA

BOOKER and ELIZABETH board THE HAND OF THE PROPHET, where they find ZACHARY COMSTOCK standing next to A BAPTISMAL FONT.

ZACHARY COMSTOCK

Booker DeWitt! Honestly, with all these overlapping universes, I'm not even sure whether I should be surprised to see you alive.

BOOKER DEWITT

You're lucky my weapon's been lowered for me, asshole. Now I have no idea what to do.

ELIZABETH

No shooting? Alright then, let me ask you about my true nature. And don't just offer vague hints and allusions like everybody else does, just tell me the truth.

ZACHARY COMSTOCK

Give it a couple of decades and you'll be handing out cryptic messages too. Now go ahead, ask DeWitt how you lost your finger! ASK HIM! ASK HIIIM ARGLE BARGLE!

(grabs Elizabeth)

ELIZABETH

Booker, do something!

BOOKER DEWITT

Hang on, there's a button prompt!

BOOKER starts STRANGLING COMSTOCK.

ELIZABETH

Booker, don't! Stop it!

BOOKER DEWITT

What, do you have Comstockholm syndrome? He abandoned you to serve his own interests! Honestly, I am filled with great consternation and dismay at the mere thought of ever doing such a thing!

BOOKER bashes COMSTOCK'S HEAD against THE BAPTISMAL FONT and then DROWNS HIM IN IT. SYMBOLISM.

ELIZABETH

Nice going.

BOOKER DEWITT

The buttom prompt said I would intervene! I didn't know I'd straight up kill him! Not that that's terribly atypical of me, though.

ELIZABETH

Then I'll have to figure out the truth myself, but I can only do that once we destroy the siphon that's still in the statue. It's a device that's draining my powers. Wouldn've been neat to introduce that earlier, but there you go.

As BOOKER sets a course for THE STATUE, the SHIP is ATTACKED by VOX POPULI GUNSHIPS and SONGBIRD.

BOOKER DEWITT

Oh right, the Vox Populi. And we're on a floating city of racists! I had almost forgotten about all that.

ELIZABETH

Booker, I've figured out the message from my future self! We can use this pan flute to control Songbird! Observe!

ELIZABETH uses THE PAN FLUTE to PACIFY SONGBIRD.

SONGBIRD

HEY IS THAT A PAN FLUTE I FUCKING LOVE PAN FLUTES WHOOO PLAY FREE BIRD!

ELIZABETH

Could you be a dear and take out all those gunships for me? Thaaaanks.

SONGBIRD

CAN DO BABE!

After SONGBIRD helps to repel THE VOX POPULI ATTACK, BOOKER uses THE PAN FLUTE to make him DESTROY THE SIPHON. This UNLOCKS ELIZABETH'S POWERS and turns her into DOCTOR MANHATTAN.

BOOKER DEWITT

Elizabeth, the pan flute's been smashed and now Songbird's coming for us! Stand back, I'll handle this!

ELIZABETH

Oh no, I'll be damned if you're taking my emotional catharsis from me again by shooting at it!

ELIZABETH transports HERSELF, BOOKER and SONGBIRD to --

INT. RAPTURE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SQUEE

BOOKER and ELIZABETH end up in RAPTURE'S WELCOME HALL. SONGBIRD is OUTSIDE, where the WATER PRESSURE is KILLING HIM.

SONGBIRD

LIZ WHAT ARE YOU DOING COME ON BABY DON'T BE LIKE THIS LET ME IN I JUST WANNA TALK!

ELIZABETH

Shh, it's okay. Just be glad that I saved you from what could have been a lengthy and incongruous boss battle with several stages and a cutscene resolution.

SONGBIRD

ARE YOU SAYING THAT THE KEY TO DEALING WITH AN ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND IS TO MAKE HIM FIGHT FOR YOU AND THEN KILL HIM? GREAT ADVICE!

(dies)

ELIZABETH

Now that I am in omniscient control of all the things, I've also seen the ending. Brace yourself, because I'm going to explain it to you with plenty of flashbacks and visual metaphors. You might want to sit down for this.

BOOKER DEWITT

Is it that shocking a revelation?

ELIZABETH

That too, but it's also going to take like a half hour, so you should get comfortable.

BOOKER DEWITT

Okay, let me first scoff at the idea of an underwater city, even though I just came from a floating one through an interdimensional tear.

BOOKER and ELIZABETH take A BATHYSPHERE out of RAPTURE.

ANDREW RYAN

Wasn't the use of the bathyspheres restricted to me and my relatives? Enjoy figuring that one out!

EXT. INTERUNIVERSAL OCEAN OF LIGHTHOUSES

THE BATHYSPHERE surfaces amongst MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS OF LIGHTHOUSES.

ELIZABETH

Check it out, Booker. It's an infinite amount of universes, but they all start with a lighthouse, a man and a city. Constants and variables. Scripted sequences and gameplay.

BOOKER DEWITT

That's moving way beyond pretentious self-reference. It's like this game sends the entire BioShock series so far up its own ass that it could crawl out of its own mouth. That must be the closed loop the Luteces were hinting at.

DEVELOPER KEN LEVINE

And isn't it funny how BioShock 2 didn't start with a lighthouse at all? Just putting that out there.

ELIZABETH then transports BOOKER to HIS TWENTY-YEAR-OLD OFFICE, where he finds he has AN INFANT DAUGHTER named ANNA. ROBERT LUTECE is also there.

BOOKER DEWITT

I never had a daughter whose name was Anna and whose initials would match the ones scarified into my hand!

ELIZABETH

You did, but your memories of her were overwritten when you were pulled from your universe into that of Comstock before the game started. That's also why it doesn't come across as forced that I'm basically infodumping your own backstory on you.

BOOKER DEWITT

If my memories of Anna are gone, why have I still been tetchy and reserved at any mention of her name?

ROBERT LUTECE

I've already told you how consistency isn't really our thing!

BOOKER DEWITT

Elizabeth, this is the guy who hired me to find you! He's working for Comstock!

ELIZABETH

Yes, they're not really twins. He's actually an alternate version of Rosalind Lutece who felt bad about conspiring to take Anna from you and came back twenty years later to --

(beat)

You know, I don't want to go into all that. I'll just let the fans piece that whole plot thread together. Anyways, you don't leave this room until you hand Anna over to him.

ROBERT LUTECE

Do it, DeWitt! Do it! Oh, I just got that.

BOOKER hands over ANNA. Another FLASHBACK then shows how COMSTOCK took her through A TEAR to HIS UNIVERSE, losing her A FINGER in the process when she still tried to PINKY SWEAR.

ELIZABETH

My powers come from the separation of my physical form across two universes, because I've just decided that's how it works.

BOOKER DEWITT

So you were my daughter all along! Whoa whoa, that makes this a game about a father being sent out to rescue his daughter from a crazed parental figure who wants to use monstrous methods to turn her into an idealisation of their deep-rooted beliefs. Isn't that exactly what BioShock 2 was about? Ken? KEN?

DEVELOPER KEN LEVINE

Grumble mumble fine I guess.

BOOKER DEWITT

Now, rather than accept personal responsibility for what I've done, I've decided we must smother Comstock in his crib before he can pull any of his shit!

ELIZABETH

Are you sure you want to do that?

BOOKER DEWITT

I've already told you twice to stop offering the illusion of choice, young lady!

ELIZABETH transports BOOKER to a BABBLING BROOK IN A FLOWERY MEADOW.

BOOKER DEWITT

Wait, I know this place. This is where I refused a baptism when I was looking for redemption after what happened at Wounded Knee! Why did you bring us here?

ELIZABETH

In a different universe, you accepted the baptism and were reborn as Comstock. That's right, two shocking revelations for the price of one!

BOOKER DEWITT

Doesn't that mean that rejecting salvation and turning away from Christianity is the right thing to do? Oh boy, I can already hear the religious nutters shitting blood.

ELIZABETH

On the other hand, it was Rosalind Lutece's research that allowed Comstock to build Columbia and interpret the tears as visions of its future. Truly, science is at fault here!

BOOKER DEWITT

Then how about we go back to Rosalind's career day and convince her to become an avant-garde conceptual architect instead of a scientist? Problem solved!

ELIZABETH

No, you have to die to undo everything that's been done. Nothing else would be as arbitrarily dramatic.

BOOKER DEWITT

Well, at least I can sidestep the well-worn Jesus Christ symbolism by dying for my own sins instead of someone else's. But wait, I just thought of something. If you kill me, wouldn't that just create a new branch, with Comstock still existing in countless universes that spin off from whether or not I die here?

ELIZABETH

Nope, I've made sure this affects all the universes. That's totally a thing I can do now. Here, let me show you by bringing in a few alternate versions of me.

OTHER ELIZABETH

Hey, what's up?

OTHER OTHER ELIZABETH

I'm a developmental in-joke!

BOOKER DEWITT

Look, you can't just keep coming up with new rules about how all this works. All you're doing is crippling any drama that depends on those rules.

ELIZABETH

Oh, but that's not all. Doing this will also technically erase everything that happened in the game. It's basically recursive inconsequentiality.

BOOKER DEWITT

That officially makes this the biggest detour of the entire series. I suppose there aren't even any multiple endings?

DEVELOPER KEN LEVINE

Nope, but if you think about it, there's actually an infinite amount of endings! And they're all happening right now!

ALL THE ELIZABETHS DRAMATICALLY DROWN BOOKER. After the CREDITS ROLL and SCHRÖDINGER'S EPILOGUE CONFUSES THINGS FURTHER, EVERYONE runs to THE INTERNET to post WILD THEORIES and MAKE DIAGRAMS WITH STRAWS.

THE END

Further reading: 

Comments

Thank you for this! You managed to sum up the mixed feelings I felt after finishing this game a few weeks ago in an extremely funny way. This maybe not the best entry in the BioShock series (that's still the first one): some fetch quests felt needless and way too long (my God, I didn't click on the game's icon for a day after that whole gunsmith-bullcrap), the "shootable ghost"-type of nonsensical elements were annoying, not to mention the ending where I felt that Levine & co. suddenly felt the need to tie this trilogy together, but had no idea except "give'em Rapture, tons of friggin lighthouses and tears!". But this script is definitely one of the best ones I've ever read on this site - witty, entertaining, points out the small details, and has a Hot Shots! Part Deux joke. :-D Not to mention that "Schrödinger's Epilogue" is the best summarization of that post-credits scene. Ever.

After reading through every script at the Editing Room, I am so so so glad to have found this site. This script was wonderful. The Zooey Deschanel joke killed me.

This was tremendous, and perhaps the best (and easily the most entertaining) critique and summation of Bioshock Infinite I've seen on the internet. Thank you.

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