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Dead Space 2

By Joannes February 3, 2011

Even Kindergarten Cop is getting a gritty reboot.

Even Kindergarten Cop is getting a gritty reboot.

FADE IN:

INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL – SPRAWL

ISAAC CLARKE is being subjected to a PSYCHOLOGICAL EXAM by FOSTER EDGARS, who is showing him a CALL he once made with NICOLE BRENNAN.

NICOLE BRENNAN

I want to thank you for convincing me to take this assignment on the Ishimura, Isaac. Am I making myself perfectly clear? I WOULDN’T BE ABOARD THIS DEATH SHIP IF IT WASN’T FOR YOU!

ISAAC CLARKE

Well then, I sure hope no horrible tragedy will befall the Ishimura! Otherwise I might end up saddled with crippling guilt if something were to happen to you.

EDGARS stops the VIDEO.

FOSTER EDGARS

Now I’m going to ask you a series of questions so we can quickly recap the previous game’s story and single out the plot points that we’re going to focus on for this sequel.

ISAAC CLARKE

The Marker made me hallucinate my wife after she had committed suicide.

FOSTER EDGARS

It says here that she was your girlfriend.

ISAAC CLARKE

Girlfriend, yes. Sorry.

ISAAC then has another HALLUCINATION, which allows the STORY to SKIP TO THE NEXT PART. FRANCO DELILLE retrieves ISAAC from his PADDED CELL.

FRANCO DELILLE

Isaac, I’m here to help you.

A FLESH BAT creeps up on FRANCO and IMPALES him.

FLESH BAT

I’ve learned to make some new types of Necromorph since the previous game, but I think I’ll turn this guy into a regular Slasher!

FRANCO is transformed into a SLASHER NECROMORPH, which is more COMICAL than GRUESOME. ISAAC escapes.

ISAAC CLARKE

The area is swarming with Necromorphs! How the hell was that guy planning on getting me out of here?

He runs into EDGARS, who cuts open his STRAITJACKET.

FOSTER EDGARS

There’s a health pack and a flashlight in that locker over there. Collect them while turning your back to me, a crazed guy holding a knife.

ISAAC does this.

FOSTER EDGARS

Now, to illustrate that we’re not pulling any punches with the gore, I’m going to kill myself in the most horribly painful way possible.

ISAAC CLARKE

I already gathered from the extreme close-up of that guy being turned into a Necromorph, you don’t need to --

EDGARS slices open his THROAT.

FOSTER EDGARS

Gurgle.

(dies)

ISAAC is then contacted by DAINA LE GUIN.

DAINA LE GUIN

Isaac, I’m trying to rescue you! You’re suffering from a unique form of dementia, which you contracted during your time on Aegis 7.

ISAAC CLARKE

Then how about we just skip ahead to the part where I wake up at the end and go “Thank God it was all a dementia!”

DAINA LE GUIN

Nope, your fragile state of mind will instead be used to make you hallucinate things that can actually kill you. I have a cure, but I can only administer it if you reach me, which makes your objective for the next three levels basically “get through them.” Use your locator function to find your way over here.

ISAAC CLARKE

Why would a straitjacket have a locator function?

DAINA LE GUIN

I don’t know, somehow it’s also got a readout for a stasis module and a security key for most of the doors around here.

ISAAC fashions a KINESIS MODULE by STRIPPING EQUIPMENT that is designed to keep INNOCENT PEOPLE ALIVE. A SLASHER NECROMORPH appears.

SLASHER NECROMORPH

WRAAAAGGH I WANT TO WEAR YOUR FACE AS A HAT!

DAINA LE GUIN

Isaac, you have to dismember the creatures to stop them.

ISAAC CLARKE

I know you said that for the benefit of anyone new to the series, but HOLY MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST, I KNOW! Besides, didn’t I just kill that first Necromorph by impaling it and removing exactly zero limbs?

In the next room, ISAAC finds a SURGICAL PATIENT strapped to an OPERATING TABLE.

SURGICAL PATIENT

Thank God, man! Get me out of here!

ISAAC CLARKE

Is that a plasma laser aimed at your chest? Are they using the same technology for both complex surgical procedures and chipping away at rocks?

Suddenly, another SLASHER walks in.

SURGICAL PATIENT

Holy fuck, help me! Use your kinesis module to hurl stuff at it or something!

ISAAC CLARKE

Wait, I think I can cobble together a plasma cutter from this surgical equipment and my flashlight!

SURGICAL PATIENT

What in the shitting fuck is wrong with you?

ISAAC CLARKE

Come on, I’m finally doing some actual engineering over here!

The SLASHER kills the SURGICAL PATIENT, after which ISAAC kills the SLASHER.

ISAAC CLARKE

Hey, it didn’t drop anything. That means it might still be alive!

DAINA LE GUIN

No, now you have to stomp on the corpse to loot whatever it was carrying.

ISAAC CLARKE

Well, that explains how the Necromorphs are all carrying around items. In their ribcages, clearly.

ISAAC reaches the RECEPTION DESK, but it’s being LOCKED DOWN. Another patient, NOLAN STROSS, beckons him.

NOLAN STROSS

Hurry, Isaac! The gates are closing!

ISAAC CLARKE

Wait! There’s more items to be collected in this room!

The GATES CLOSE and seal ISAAC in.

NOLAN STROSS

Take note of me, Isaac! I’m also named after two science-fiction writers, so I must be important! They were experimenting on both of us and wiping our memories afterwards, but it’ll all start coming back now! Also, I’m a total nutcase nyeh nyeh nyeh!

ISAAC CLARKE

That’s all we need. A character who studied at the Leland Orser School of Deranged Hyperactivity.

STROSS leaves. ISAAC takes a DETOUR through the GIFT SHOP.

ISAAC CLARKE

What a quaint little gift shop. A welcome reprieve from all the horrors that oh never mind, a severed arm just dropped from the ceiling.

Eventually, ISAAC makes it over to the CONCOURSE.

INT. CONCOURSE – SPRAWL

ISAAC walks through a series of DARKENED HALLWAYS.

ISAAC CLARKE

Why are none of these lights working?

DAINA LE GUIN

I don’t know, somebody keeps removing power nodes from their sockets.

DEVELOPER VISCERAL GAMES

Here, try out one of the new weapons. It’s a javelin gun that shoots spears!

ISAAC CLARKE

How the fuck is that a repurposed mining tool?

DEVELOPER VISCERAL GAMES

The spears are diagnostic tools that are fired into solid rock to analyse the minerals within.

ISAAC CLARKE

Do you hear that, Necromorphs? I’m using science to pin you to the walls!

ISAAC suddenly sees NICOLE, whose DIALOGUE was clearly written by someone dealing with an OBSESSIVE EX-GIRLFRIEND.

NICOLE BRENNAN

You can’t keep ignoring me, Isaac!

ISAAC CLARKE

You can’t hurt me. You’re just a hallucination.

NICOLE BRENNAN

What gave it away? The blood caked to my face? The light shining out of my eyes and mouth? Or maybe the sepia tone that accompanies my presence? Oh, and I can totally hurt you if I want to. You just wait.

NICOLE vanishes again. ISAAC heads for the TRAM STATION, but the DOOR is LOCKED.

DAINA LE GUIN

Don’t worry, I’ll override the door lock! I’ll only need as long as it takes you to kill all the Necromorphs that have just now appeared!

INT. TRAM STATION – SPRAWL

Upon entering the TRAM STATION, ISAAC is attacked by a pack of TODDLER NECROMORPHS.

ISAAC CLARKE

Killing children? Is this even allowed?

DEVELOPER VISCERAL GAMES

No no, you’re not actually killing them. These children have already been gruesomely killed by the Necromorphs!

ISAAC CLARKE

Oh well that’s alright then.

ISAAC then passes through an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL where he encounters several BLOATED BABIES that EXPLODE when they get near him.

ISAAC CLARKE

Oh come on! Baby suicide bombers? Seriously?

DEVELOPER VISCERAL GAMES

Yeah, that one was a dare between developers.

DAINA LE GUIN

Isaac, you’re almost here. I’m holed up at the top of the Unitology church.

ISAAC CLARKE

What is Unitology anyway?

DAINA LE GUIN

It’s a belief system that blatantly plays on people’s insecurities and desires to fit in. Pretty much a collection of the worst parts of Scientology.

ISAAC CLARKE

So, exactly like Scientology then.

DAINA LE GUIN

But also with some aspects of random religions thrown in. And I do mean random. There’s even Incan ritual masks and gothic stained glass windows in here.

ISAAC CLARKE

Are they also being persecuted by the state?

DAINA LE GUIN

Naturally, Unitology and the EarthGov have always been at odds with each other.

ISAAC CLARKE

EarthGov? Who the fuck came up with that? It sounds like a shitty texting abbreviation.

INT. UNITOLOGY CHURCH – SPRAWL

ISAAC heads inside the UNITOLOGY CHURCH.

ISAAC CLARKE

Wait, I recognise this area from all the previews. If I take one step further, this Tripod Necromorph will drop in and attempt to mouthrape me. I’ll just stay right here.

DAINA LE GUIN

There’s no other way, Isaac.

ISAAC CLARKE

Goddamnit.

(step)

A TRIPOD NECROMORPH drops in and attempts to MOUTHRAPE ISAAC.

TRIPOD NECROMORPH

I AM SLOWLY DRAGGING YOU TO A CERTAIN DEATH SO I SUGGEST YOU SHOOT THAT GLOWING SAC ON MY TONGUE OR TENTACLE OR WHATEVER IT’S GROSS ANYWAY!

ISAAC fends off the TRIPOD and eventually reaches DAINA.

DAINA LE GUIN

Minions, restrain him!

ISAAC CLARKE

What is this? Why can’t I break free from these two guys holding me when earlier I ripped the head off a Necromorph with my bare hands?

DAINA LE GUIN

Since I am basically the same character as Kendra Daniels, I have no choice but to betray you. I am a Unitologist, Isaac. EarthGov used you to build a Marker and we want one too.

ISAAC CLARKE

Are you talking to somebody else over my shoulder? I can’t tell whether you’re looking at me.

DAINA LE GUIN

Sorry, my eyes somehow seem locked in place.

AN EARTHGOV GUNSHIP suddenly flies in and SHOOTS DAINA. The ROOM is DEPRESSURISED and ISAAC is almost sucked out into SPACE.

ISAAC CLARKE

I am holding on for dear life, but God help me, I refuse to let go of my gun!

He manages to ESCAPE into a MAINTENANCE SHAFT, but is then KNOCKED INTO SPACE by a NECROMORPH anyway. ISAAC briefly FIGHTS it and it probably looks AWESOME, but the CAMERA hardly ever faces it.

ISAAC CLARKE

Even though I am now flying through space without any sense of direction or orientation, I will still launch myself back into the Sprawl five feet from where I need to be.

INT. CONCOURSE – SPRAWL

ISAAC ends up back in the CONCOURSE and is contacted by HANS TIEDEMANN.

HANS TIEDEMANN

Isaac, I am EarthGov’s representative here on the Sprawl.

ISAAC CLARKE

Ah, since I was just betrayed by the Unitology church, does that mean you’re here to help me?

HANS TIEDEMANN

No, you are a problem to me. And I deal with problems by shooting at them until they go away.

ISAAC then runs into STROSS again.

NOLAN STROSS

Isaac, listen to me. I know what you have to do.

ISAAC CLARKE

Sure, if I can’t trust the church or the government, I guess I’ll side with the cackling mental patient.

NOLAN STROSS

There is a Marker in the EarthGov station! They used us to build it, but together we can destroy it and end this disaster!

ISAAC CLARKE

Destroy it? Don’t the Markers try to suppress Necromorph outbreaks? It’s the Hive Mind we have to destroy.

NOLAN STROSS

The developers didn’t expect to have a whole franchise on their hands, so they quickly changed all that around. No Hive Mind. Marker bad.

ISAAC encounters another SURVIVOR, ELLIE LANGFORD. She is fighting off SLASHERS.

ELLIE LANGFORD

You want a piece of me, huh?

(beat)

Come on, you motherfuckers!

(beat)

I’m still standing!

(beat)

Hurry up and talk to me! I don’t know how many of these combat lines I have left before I start repeating myself!

ISAAC CLARKE

Why don’t we work together, Ellie? I’d like to see how this game handles AI partners.

ELLIE LANGFORD

Sorry, no. My harrowing escape from the Necromorphs, which you can relive through a bunch of sequentially scattered audio logs, has taught me that other people are a liability. It’s best we go our separate ways.

ISAAC CLARKE

Fine. But hey, there’s this mental patient running around here. Mind keeping an eye out for him?

ELLIE LANGFORD

Oh sure, I won’t team up with someone who clearly knows how to handle himself, but if I can slow myself down by dragging along an unstable and potentially dangerous individual, that’s no problem.

ELLIE, STROSS and ISAAC arrive in the TRANSPORT HUB.

ISAAC CLARKE

Wait a second. Large, open area. No readily apparent means of escape. Supplies in the corners. Get ready, guys!

A BRUTE NECROMORPH storms in. After ISAAC kills it, TIEDEMANN shuts off the LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS.

ELLIE LANGFORD

Isaac, we’re going to suffocate unless we can reroute the power and get the air flowing again!

ISAAC CLARKE

Why don’t you just purchase a pressurised suit from one of the stores? It’s really easy, they’re instantly welded onto your body where you stand.

ELLIE LANGFORD

I haven’t been helping myself to every paycheck lying around, so how about instead you head over to the old solar array and activate it while me and Stross wait here?

ISAAC CLARKE

That works too, I guess.

INT. SOLAR ARRAY – SPRAWL

ISAAC enters the SOLAR ARRAY, which was being maintained by a RECLUSIVE CARETAKER and an OPPRESSIVE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE.

ISAAC CLARKE

Good to see we’re leaving no sci-fi cliché unturned.

Once ISAAC reactivates the ARRAY, he is contacted by ELLIE.

ELLIE LANGFORD

Isaac, the Necromorphs are coming! You have to help us!

ISAAC CLARKE

If only there were an incredibly ludicrous way for me to quickly get back to the Sprawl!

ISAAC uses a ROCKET-PROPELLED EJECTOR SEAT to launch himself through a DEBRIS FIELD. He lands back in the SPRAWL in a TOTALLY BADASS POSE that CRUSHES all his BONES, except it DOESN’T.

ISAAC CLARKE

I’m coming, Ellie!

(beat)

Oh wait, there’s a store here. Hang on, I’m just going to upload these schematics I’m carrying. Maybe sell some semiconductors. Free up some inventory space, you know?

ELLIE LANGFORD

You’re lucky my plasma cutter can kill Necromorphs with one shot, jackass.

Eventually, ISAAC meets up with ELLIE and STROSS. They all get aboard a TRAM to the EARTHGOV STATION.

EXT. SOLAR ARRAY – SPRAWL

TIEDEMANN uses the SOLAR ARRAY to cut the TRAM’S TRANSPORTATION RAIL.

ELLIE LANGFORD

Great, now what?

ISAAC notices that the USG ISHIMURA is docked at the SPRAWL.

ISAAC CLARKE

If I can get aboard the Ishimura and activate its gravity tethers, I can pull the EarthGov station back into alignment!

ELLIE LANGFORD

That sounds horribly risky, not to mention cumbersome.

ISAAC CLARKE

Hey, I’m an engineer. That means that somewhere there’s a single button I can push to make all that happen.

ISAAC heads into the ISHIMURA.

INT. MEDICAL DECK – USG ISHIMURA

The MEDICAL DECK is bathed in UV LIGHT, which shows FLUORESCENT STAINS EVERYWHERE.

ISAAC CLARKE

I hope to God this is all blood.

Instead of allowing the HORRORS of the ISHIMURA to speak for themselves, there are of course NECROMORPHS everywhere.

ELLIE LANGFORD

Is everything alright?

ISAAC CLARKE

Sure. My deteriorating mental state is making me hallucinate stuff that happened to me in the previous game, but other than that, I’m fine. How’s Stross?

ELLIE LANGFORD

Getting crazier by the minute and threatening to kill me.

ISAAC CLARKE

Very nice of a battle-hardened survivalist like yourself to help two people who are clearly suffering from mental instabilities.

After passing through a HALLWAY that just will not stop spawning EVERY SINGLE TYPE OF NECROMORPH, ISAAC makes it to the BRIDGE. Once there, he uses his powers of PUSHING BUTTONS to realign the EARTHGOV STATION.

ELLIE LANGFORD

We’ve crossed over, Isaac! Can you meet us in the mines?

ISAAC CLARKE

Sure. I don’t think that ludicrous ejector seat endangered my life quite enough, so now I’ll get into an escape pod and crash-land it there.

He DOES.

INT. MINES – SPRAWL

ISAAC heads into the MINES. STROSS suddenly appears.

NOLAN STROSS

Isaac, I just gouged out Ellie’s eye. Look, here it is. Now I’m going to do the same to you!

ISAAC CLARKE

Good thing I’m wearing this helmet!

NOLAN STROSS

Hang on, let me turn this into a quick cutscene.

ISAAC’S HELMET folds in on itself, exposing his FACE.

ISAAC CLARKE

Why does it always do that?

ISAAC overcomes STROSS and STABS HIM.

NOLAN STROSS

You know, killing all those Necromorphs doesn’t do anything to change the fact that only now you’ve straight up murdered someone.

ISAAC CLARKE

Whatever. I’m just going to stomp off your head now.

NOLAN STROSS

So I can’t be turned into a Necromorph? Awful sweet of you.

ISAAC CLARKE

No, I just want to punt it into a wall.

NICOLE then appears and starts CHOKING ISAAC.

NICOLE BRENNAN

Your guilt defines me, Isaac! You must come to terms with your unresolved issues to eliminate my antagonism towards you!

ISAAC CLARKE

So we’re lifting our love subplot straight out of Inception? Alright then.

ISAAC accepts his GUILT over NICOLE’S DEATH which is apparently done through BUTTON-MASHING.

ISAAC CLARKE

With all this button-mashing, I might end up with a dead space bar. Eh? Eh?

NICOLE turns back to NORMAL.

NICOLE BRENNAN

Now I will help you on your quest by not telling you what you have to do.

(disappears)

Eventually, ISAAC meets ELLIE by a huge TUNNELLING MACHINE.

ISAAC CLARKE

Ellie, you’re alive!

ELLIE LANGFORD

Sure, nothing like a health pack to instantly cure any conceivable injury. Just don’t make any pirate jokes. Anyway, we can use this drill to tunnel our way into the EarthGov station.

ISAAC CLARKE

Okay, but be careful. You never know if Arnold Schwarzenegger might show up to “scroo yoo.”

While powering up the DRILL, ISAAC fights off a pack of TODDLER NECROMORPHS.

ISAAC CLARKE

Wait, what’s this type of Necromorph doing way down here? Was this mining operation running on child labour?

ELLIE operates the DRILL while ISAAC stands on top and fights a FUCKING ENDLESS SWARM OF NECROMORPHS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

ELLIE LANGFORD

The EarthGov station is up ahead. I’ll drive this drill straight into it.

ISAAC CLARKE

That will surely be a visual spectacle!

The screen FADES TO BLACK instead.

INT. EARTHGOV STATION – SPRAWL

ISAAC recovers from the CRASH which looks like it was BALLS-TO-THE-WALL AWESOME.

ELLIE LANGFORD

Isaac, are you alright?

ISAAC CLARKE

No idea, I can’t see my health bar. Let me make my way around to you, even though I could probably just climb down this rubble.

ELLIE finds a GUNSHIP and climbs aboard.

ELLIE LANGFORD

Get in, Isaac.

ISAAC CLARKE

No, I have to finish this by myself! But if you want to pull a Han Solo and come back for me later, that’s okay with me.

ELLIE flies off while ISAAC heads for the MARKER CHAMBER.

HANS TIEDEMANN

You can’t win, Isaac! I’ve got two hundred well-armed soldiers between you and me!

ISAAC CLARKE

Oh yeah? Well, I just let a bunch of Necromorphs into the station!

HANS TIEDEMANN

Nooooo, a single one of those things is enough to wipe them out! You bastard!

ALL THE SOLDIERS are turned into NECROMORPHS. At the centre of the station, ISAAC finds a MARKER the size of the CHRYSLER BUILDING.

NICOLE BRENNAN

Isaac, you have to stop whatever it’s doing or something bad will happen.

ISAAC CLARKE

What do I do?

NICOLE BRENNAN

You have to make us whole again.

ISAAC CLARKE

What does that even mean? Do we have to make out?

NICOLE BRENNAN

No, it means you have to get inside this machine and ever so gently drive a needle through your eye.

ISAAC CLARKE

I’d really prefer just making out.

NICOLE BRENNAN

Remember, I’m not really here. Think about how ridiculous that would look.

ISAAC crawls inside the MACHINE, directs a NEEDLE into his EYEBALL, and gets out again.

ISAAC CLARKE

Now what did that actually do?

DEVELOPER VISCERAL GAMES

It unlocked your memories, so now you know what happened to you.

ISAAC CLARKE

But that was already made abundantly clear by Daina’s motive and Stross’ rambling.

DEVELOPER VISCERAL GAMES

Okay fine, we really included it because after everything that’s happened so far, it’s pretty much the only way we could still gross people out. Now get to the Marker. Oh, and here’s another one of those regenerating bastard Necromorphs to make things more difficult.

INT. MARKER CHAMBER – SPRAWL

ISAAC approaches the MARKER, but is suddenly SHOT with a JAVELIN GUN by TIEDEMANN, who has turned into TWO-FACE.

HANS TIEDEMANN

At this point I am no longer sure what I am trying to accomplish in the grand scheme of things!

After removing the SPEAR from his SHOULDER, ISAAC wrestles the JAVELIN GUN from TIEDEMANN and uses it to KILL him. Then, NICOLE appears.

NICOLE BRENNAN

Thank you, Isaac. Now give me a hug.

NICOLE cradles ISAAC, but then turns back into PISSED NICOLE.

NICOLE BRENNAN

UUUUUUUURRRRRR I AM ACTUALLY A MANIFESTATION OF THE MARKER AND MY PLAN WAS TO GET YOU HERE TO CONSUME YOU! THAT’S WHY I SENT OUT ALL THOSE NECROMORPHS TO KILL YOU I GUESS!

ISAAC CLARKE

Whoa, apparently betrayal is a common enough theme in this series that even hallucinations are doing it.

NICOLE transports ISAAC to the RECESSES OF HIS OWN MIND, because clearly INCEPTION hasn’t been ripped off enough.

NICOLE BRENNAN

The Marker you have to destroy is in your head! Now fight off both myself and these weird Necromorph ghost things that still drop items when they die!

ISAAC shoots at the MARKER until it BLOWS UP or something. When back in the MARKER CHAMBER, he sees that the REAL MARKER is also DESTROYED.

ISAAC CLARKE

How in the living fuck does destroying the Marker in my mind translate to the actual destruction of this giant Marker in the real world?

The CREDITS start appearing.

ISAAC CLARKE

Wait, it’s over? This calls for one huge fucking facepalm.

ELLIE suddenly flies in.

ELLIE LANGFORD

Isaac, I can’t simply land the gunship, so I’ll fly around in circles for a daring midair pickup!

ISAAC CLARKE

I was just shot in the shoulder by a huge spear, I don’t think I can --

ELLIE LANGFORD

I had my eye gouged out, you pussy!

ISAAC CLARKE

Alright, fine.

ISAAC flings himself aboard the GUNSHIP. He and ELLIE fly off while the entire SPRAWL BLOWS THE FUCK UP.

ISAAC CLARKE

Whew, at least this time there’s no sequel hook waiting to attack me.

DEVELOPER VISCERAL GAMES

Oh, just wait past the actual credits. We’re applying the oldest trick in the trilogy manual and revealing that there are mysterious people above the ones you’ve just killed who are in charge of this whole mess. Plenty more Markers to go around!

ISAAC CLARKE

(repeated stomps)

FUCK FUCKING FUCKER!

END


6 Responses

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  1. Adam says

    Hahahaha, that was awesome.

  2. dxgarten says

    “How in the living fuck does destroying the Marker in my mind translate to the actual destruction of this giant Marker in the real world?”

    That’s what the eye-drilling was for. It provided a neural link between Isaac’s mind and the Marker’s mind. However, this also means that it’s possible for each one to kill the other by killing them in their mind.

  3. Alex Italo says

    Great script, man. I’ve just finished Dead Space 2 and this is spot on. The game is great and so are your jokes about it. This moment cracked me up: “I’m coming, Ellie! (beat) Oh wait, there’s a store here. Hang on, I’m just going to upload these schematics I’m carrying. Maybe sell some semiconductors. Free up some inventory space, you know?”

  4. PhthaloType says

    “With all this button-mashing, I might end up with a dead space bar. Eh? Eh?”

    I swear these scripts are like the Mystery Science Theater of video games…

  5. Quigley says

    A gritty kindergarten cop reboot

  6. WLTetrisKing says

    I just started “New Game +” (whatever that is) and all I can think is, where the fuck were these power nodes the first time through?



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