FADE IN:

INT. HOTEL ROOM

MAX PAYNE is MOPING AROUND and looks UTTERLY UTTERLY MISERABLE, which is GOOD because with his THIRD FACE IN AS MANY GAMES, this is the only way we can RECOGNISE HIM.

MAX PAYNE

Life is like a piece of shit, in that it sucks. I should stop fucking everything up. Goddamn, crap.

(beat)

Is it just me, or has Sam Lake's prose gotten a shitload less purple?

MILLIONAIRE DAN HOUSER

Actually, this game was written by me. The last anybody saw of Sam Lake, he was running off into the woods with as many Stephen King novels as he could carry. For this game I'll be tapping into my own particular brand of grim pretentiousness.

MAX PAYNE

Oh. Well that works, I suppose. Your wry satirical take on America ought to work well with this franchise.

MILLIONAIRE DAN HOUSER

Exactly! Uhh, it doesn't matter WHICH America, does it?

EXT. SKYSCRAPER BALCONY - SÃO PAULO

MAX finds himself employed as a BODYGUARD by a family of RICH BRAZILIAN ASSHOLES. His friend RAUL PASSOS walks up.

RAUL PASSOS

Hey Max, all the members of the Branco family are currently in this room, so if you want to do a quick introductory roll call, now's a good time. Go ahead and work some barely concealed contempt in there.

MAX PAYNE

Oh thanks! Let's see, there's stinking rich business tycoon Rodrigo Branco, his sleazy politician brother Victor, his drunken hedonist other brother Marcelo, and his vapid socialite wife Fabiana. Yeah, these are the people you're supposed to be rooting for me to keep alive.

SUBTITLES

ROOTING

MAX PAYNE

The hell was that?

Suddenly, a bunch of MASKED THUGS pour out of the ELEVATOR and start pointing GUNS at all the RICH SOCIALITES.

MASKED THUG

Bring us Harvey Dent! Oh whoops, wrong party. Okay guys, start with the kidnapping!

The THUGS grab FABIANA and RODRIGO.

RAUL PASSOS

Max, the thug holding a gun to Fabiana's head hasn't spotted you yet! Try taking careful aim and --

MAX PAYNE

What's that? Slide down this awning and land a million-to-one headshot? Got it!

MAX uses a SLIDE-BY SHOOTING to SAVE FABIANA'S LIFE.

RAUL PASSOS

Max, the other thugs have loaded Rodrigo into a van! Maybe you can --

MAX PAYNE

Shoot out the tires and crash it? No problem!

MAX sends the VAN into a CONCRETE PILLAR and safely extracts RODRIGO.

RAUL PASSOS

So you get people out of peril by putting them in different kinds of peril? Fair enough.

MAX PAYNE

Wait a minute. People were entrusted to my protection and they -- they're still alive? Shit, I've never gotten this far before. What happens now?

MARCELO BRANCO

Well, now we obviously need to lay low and stay safe for a while, at least until we can figure out who the hell those people were and what they wanted with HA HA JUST KIDDING, LET'S GO GET WASTED AT A NIGHTCLUB!

FABIANA BRANCO

FECKLESSNESS WOOOO!

They all RAIL LINES OF COCAINE while getting into a HELICOPTER because LIMOUSINES are for PEASANTS.

INT. NIGHTCLUB - SÃO PAULO

MARCELO, FABIANA and FABIANA'S SISTER GIOVANNA are partying while MAX guards them and PASSOS waits by the HELICOPTER.

MAX PAYNE

Psh, youth culture these days. Look at some of these fashions. Like, what's with the dozen or so scowling muscular dudes peppered throughout the club, wearing rolled-up balaclavas on their heads? They look like idiots. Oh well, back to keeping a keen eye out for potential threats.

(gets blind stinking drunk)

The BALACLAVAS are suddenly ROLLED DOWN, and FABIANA and GIOVANNA get TAKEN HOSTAGE by a bunch of GANG MEMBERS led by SERRANO.

MAX PAYNE

Oh God, why do I keep fucking everything up? I'm such an idiot.

MAX dives off a BALCONY and effortlessly HEADSHOTS ABOUT SIX GUYS.

MAX PAYNE

Seriously, why do I bother? I'm totally fucking useless.

He clears out DOZENS MORE GUYS while shrugging off BULLET HITS like they're MOSQUITO BITES.

MAX PAYNE

I hope my wangsty self-deprecation is coming across here.

SERRANO

Man, good thing I brought an entire fucking army for this.

FABIANA and GIOVANNA are hauled to the ROOF. MAX follows them and jumps aboard the HELICOPTER.

RAUL PASSOS

Max, Giovanna is making a break for it and now they're trying to recapture her! Hang on, I think I can swing the helicopter around and get ahead of --

MAX PAYNE

Whoa there, Passos! What did we learn about rescuing people back at the party?

RAUL PASSOS

Right, put them in a different kind of peril. How about you fire from the moving helicopter at running targets that are three feet away from the woman I perhaps love?

MAX PAYNE

Got it. Also, I'm still very drunk.

MAX improbably manages to SAVE GIOVANNA, but SERRANO succeeds in KIDNAPPING FABIANA.

MAX PAYNE

Oh well, one out of two ain't bad.

INT. BRANCO GLOBAL HEADQUARTERS - SÃO PAULO

RODRIGO has received a RANSOM DEMAND.

RODRIGO BRANCO

Holy shit, would you look at this thing? It's made from letters cut out of magazines. There's a cliché I never thought I'd see again.

VICTOR BRANCO

Max, you and Passos go and deliver the money. The kidnappers have chosen a meeting place that's totally logical for a secret transaction with some lowlife thugs: the middle of a hundred-thousand-seat soccer stadium.

MAX PAYNE

Well that's absurd, but I guess we've already done decadent skyscraper and trendy nightclub, and now we're starting to run out of stereotypical Brazilian locales.

EXT. GALATIANS STADIUM - SÃO PAULO

MAX and PASSOS hand a BAG OF MONEY over to the KIDNAPPERS.

MAX PAYNE

All right, now where's Fabiana?

KIDNAPPER

Fabiana?

(consults manual)

"Actually bring the person you're exchanging." Aw man, it's on page one and everything.

Suddenly somebody starts FIRING on MAX, PASSOS and THE KIDNAPPERS.

MAX PAYNE

Goodness, I've been hit. Better pop some painkillers and keep right on going.

RAUL PASSOS

Max, we're still in the cutscene.

MAX PAYNE

(beat, collapses)

OOOH FUCK IT HURTS SO MUCH I'M LITERALLY DYING OVER HERE!

While PASSOS tends to MAX, a bunch of PARAMILITARY TYPES chase the KIDNAPPER carrying the MONEY.

MAX PAYNE

Let's go! We have to catch up to the money guy!

RAUL PASSOS

Okay, but first let's take turns covering each other with sniper rifles. I'm not sure the sudden endless wave of paramilitaries will pad out this level enough.

When MAX gets his turn on the SNIPER RIFLE, PASSOS suddenly LOSES HIS WEAPON.

RAUL PASSOS

Shit, they're still coming! Cover me, Max!

MAX PAYNE

Take the gun off that guy I just shot two feet away from you!

RAUL PASSOS

No, I think I'll continue running around waving my hands in the air!

Eventually, they find the MONEY GUY being threatened by the PARAMILITARY TYPES.

KIDNAPPER

Don't shoot, you need to keep me alive for my valuable information! I know where our lucrative hostage is being held. She's at the docks AW FUCK, MY BARGAINING CHIP!

(is shot)

MAX PAYNE

Well, at least we have our next lead. Let's get to --

MILLIONAIRE DAN HOUSER

Wait! Wait. I'm sorry, I can't do this. I can't set the entire game in Brazil. What would your fans say if you didn't get to shoot mobsters in New York? Flashback!

FADE TO:

INT. WALTON'S BAR - NEW JERSEY

Like a YEAR earlier or something, MAX is getting WASTED when PASSOS sits down next to him.

RAUL PASSOS

Max, remember me? I went to the police academy with you as far as you know! Now I work security for a rich influential Brazilian guy. He needs another bodyguard and I figured, why should he use his wealth to acquire the most elite, motivated and physically fit security personnel in Brazil when I could just go pry an old drunk mass murderer off a bar stool in New Jersey?

MAX PAYNE

This random job offer from a millionaire sure is tempting and not at all suspicious, but I'm kinda tied up right now with sitting on my ass and staring at walls. I'll pass.

Suddenly, the MALE CAST OF JERSEY SHORE walks in. They're being fronted by TONY DEMARCO.

TONY DEMARCO

Okay, I need to establish myself as a scumbag asshole. This game was written by millionaire Dan Houser, right? IS THERE A WOMAN HERE?

A WOMAN walks up to TONY and he SLAPS HER AROUND, which immediately gets him SHOT BY MAX. This pisses off TONY'S FATHER, who is a POWERFUL MOB BOSS.

MAX PAYNE

Well, that was conveniently timed. Maybe I'll come after all.

SUBTITLES

CONVENIENTLY TIMED

MAX PAYNE

Agh, it happened again!

RAUL PASSOS

Great! For now let's head back to my place, i.e. the random hotel room occupied by some foreigner these mobsters have never even heard of.

MAX PAYNE

Nah, let's instead go back to my place, i.e. the home address that the mob could find out after about ten seconds' research. After that, I figured I could go pay a final visit to my wife's grave and offer Mona, the entire emotional crux of the last game, a single vague one-line reference. Oh, and of course we'll be swarmed by mobsters for the duration of it.

RAUL PASSOS

Despite all that, I still wish to hire you to professionally keep people out of danger.

MAX PAYNE

Still not suspicious.

FADE TO:

EXT. DOCKS - SÃO PAULO

Back in the PRESENT DAY, MAX and PASSOS are driving a SPEEDBOAT up to the DOCKS where FABIANA is being held.

MAX PAYNE

I don't suppose there might have been a sneakier way of infiltrating a heavily fortified compound than by just blasting up to the front door in one of the loudest forms of transport ever invented?

RAUL PASSOS

Quiet, I'm trying to explain about the two gangs we're dealing with here. The low-level goobers holding Fabiana are a favela street gang called Comando Sombra, while the paramilitaries who attacked them at the stadium are the Crachá Preto, a violent vigilante group.

MAX PAYNE

So pretty much everybody can field private armies, but the Brancos have the two of us? Christ, even the New Jersey mob had enough guys to occupy Hoboken.

They arrive at the COMPOUND just as the COMANDO SOMBRA are hastily EVACUATING with FABIANA. After a long BOAT CHASE, SERRANO manages to GET AWAY.

MAX PAYNE

Damn! There goes our one lead. I guess now all we can do is wait until the next ransom demand.

RAUL PASSOS

Next what now?

MAX PAYNE

The only logical reason for them to bother keeping her alive and hauling her around like this is if they still want to get that money. Right?

RAUL PASSOS

"Logical reason." Listen to yourself.

INT. BRANCO GLOBAL HEADQUARTERS - SÃO PAULO

MAX and PASSOS meet with THE BRANCOS.

VICTOR BRANCO

I suggest we leave this to the UFE, the special forces unit of the police. You can trust them to not be corrupt and evil because seriously, what self-respecting story would dick around with three wholly separate gangs of thugs running around confusing the shit out of everyone? Rodrigo, allow me to introduce Armando Becker, the commander of UFE.

ARMANDO BECKER

Senhor Branco, algo palavras aleatórias amadores eu sou um canalha.

MAX PAYNE

Hey, I obviously heard the word "amateur" in all that Portuguese. It would be great to have some subtitles right about now!

SUBTITLES

RIGHT ABOUT NOW

MAX PAYNE

Not helping!

RODRIGO BRANCO

I just want my wife back. I miss the air of boredom she exudes around me.

After VICTOR and MARCELO leave with BECKER and PASSOS, the CRACHÁ PRETO invade the OFFICE.

RODRIGO BRANCO

Oh no, they've come to kill me and there's a software glitch preventing me from closing the security shutters on this office!

MAX PAYNE

Fuck! Rodrigo, call Passos and get him to fly the helicopter back to meet us on the roof in two minutes!

RODRIGO BRANCO

Who's Passos? What's a helicopter? Your plan is strange and scary! How about instead you and this panicky tech guy fight your way through a building full of murderers to reset the servers and get my security shutters down?

MAX PAYNE

And then while you're safe, we'll still be standing out there with the murderers like a pair of dead shmucks? You're a terrific boss, you know.

MAX escorts the TECH GUY to the SERVER ROOM.

TECH GUY

Okay, I just need to reboot the system.

MAX PAYNE

You might even say that you're turning it off and on again?

TECH GUY

Don't say that! It's already bad enough that I look like Moss.

While the TECH GUY activates the SHUTTERS, MAX shoots all the PARAMILITARIES. Once they're all DEAD, he finds the LEAST DEAD ONE and QUESTIONS HIM.

NEARLY DEAD GUY

We weren't here for Rodrigo, we were here for you because of all of our guys you killed!

MAX PAYNE

Then why did you come to get me while I was armed and on duty at a super secure fortress of wealth, and not while I was passed out drunk in my fleabag hotel room the past couple of days? Whatever, just tell me where Fabiana is.

NEARLY DEAD GUY

How the hell would I know? I'm a foot soldier in the Crachá Preto, there's no reason I'd know where the Comando Sombra are keeping her.

MAX PAYNE

Stop pretending anybody cares which gang is which and just tell me already! You're nearly dead so there's no reason not to.

NEARLY DEAD GUY

Actually, since the whole reason I'm here is because my gang hates you with a murderous passion, I have every reason not to do what you want. But fine, to move the story along I'll tell you that Fabiana is being held at Nova Esperança, a favela south of the city.

(dies)

MAX goes back to RODRIGO'S OFFICE.

MAX PAYNE

Rodrigo, I just found out where Fabiana is! Things are taking a positive swing for a change and --

MAX finds RODRIGO with a BULLET in his HEAD. Then the WHOLE OFFICE BLOWS UP because FUCK YOU, MAX. JUST FUCKING FUCK YOU.

MAX PAYNE

Damn. Oh well, now that the man who wanted me to get back Fabiana is dead, I guess there's nothing left for me to do but get back Fabiana. But first, time to quit drinking, shave my head, and put on an ugly Hawaiian shirt.

The INTERNET completely LOSES ITS SHIT. MILLIONAIRE DAN HOUSER sits in a CORNER and CHUCKLES.

EXT. NOVA ESPERANÇA - SÃO PAULO

MAX is out doing HIS BEST LYNCH IMPRESSION when he meets DETECTIVE WILSON DA SILVA.

WILSON DA SILVA

Hey there Max, I'm the only honest cop in São Paulo. Would I say that if I wasn't? Exactly.

(beat)

I'm investigating the Crachá Preto and have decided to share some of what I know with you, go away for a while, then come back and tell you the rest.

MAX PAYNE

I assume you'll be able to find me again using the same magical show-up-wherever-Max-is powers you used to find me just now?

SUBTITLES

SHOW-UP-WHEREVER

MAX PAYNE

Okay for real, what's with half the things I say showing up on screen like that?

WILSON DA SILVA

That's obviously a token nod to the graphic novel cutscenes of the last two games.

MAX PAYNE

And what about the choppy editing, the nauseating distortion effects, and the grainy, over-saturated shaky cam?

WILSON DA SILVA

Oh yeah, if we don't parrot every single stylistic element from Man on Fire, people might not realise how heavily we're ripping it off.

MAX PAYNE

Hmm, American bodyguard in crime-ridden Latin American city goes on a rampage when the girl he's protecting gets kidnapped. Yep, it fits.

WILSON DA SILVA

Anyway, here's your first tasty morsel of Crachá Preto info. Their boss is a guy called Álvaro Neves and Victor is involved with them.

MAX PAYNE

Victor? Who would have suspected that the one member of the Branco family who hasn't been targeted so far was behind all this?

WILSON DA SILVA

Victor is also in league with Becker and the UFE. Neves used to be a captain in the UFE, but he --

MAX PAYNE

Seriously, I've so had it with all these separate yet intricately interconnected gangs! In the end, they all dance the same when I pump round after round into them.

As MAX works his way through the FAVELA, the UFE start a RAID so they can ABDUCT RANDOM PEOPLE. Eventually, he reaches the BUILDING where the COMANDO SOMBRA are keeping FABIANA. Peering through the WINDOW, MAX sees that MARCELO and GIOVANNA have turned up with a bunch of RANSOM MONEY.

MAX PAYNE

Holy shit, I only told Marcelo a very vague approximation of Fabiana's location over the phone like half an hour ago. Somehow in that time a drunken douchebag and an overprivileged socialite were able to meet up, get together a big bag of money, pinpoint exactly where Fabiana is and make it safely through a warzone to get to her? I feel so inadequate right now.

SERRANO

(waving his gun around)

SO, YOU BROUGHT MONEY TO OBTAIN THE RELEASE OF THIS WOMAN I ABDUCTED SPECIFICALLY SO YOU GUYS WOULD BRING ME MONEY? THIS ENRAGES ME FOR SOME BAFFLING REASON!

MAX PAYNE

Whoa, Serrano looks like he's about to shoot them! I should use the element of surprise and stage a rescue.

(beat)

But then my wangsty self-deprecation will fall on deaf ears again! No, I better fuck this up completely instead.

MAX simply WALKS INSIDE, gets DISARMED, and tells SERRANO NOT TO SHOOT ANYONE.

MAX PAYNE

Hey, it's worth a shot.

SERRANO

A SHOT, YOU SAY?

(shoots Fabiana)

I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY I DID THAT! THIS IS ALL PRETTY CONFUSING!

The UFE suddenly show up and ABDUCT EVERYONE. MAX follows them and finds them handing MARCELO and GIOVANNA over to the CRACHÁ PRETO, who BURN MARCELO ALIVE. MAX manages to RESCUE GIOVANNA.

MAX PAYNE

Phew, why don't we just relax and close our eyes here for a couple of hours?

GIOVANNA TAVERES

What? This is still the middle of a warzone and we're lying in a filthy drainage ditch that's a stone's throw away from Marcelo's charred remains!

MAX PAYNE

Exactly, and you're still here. There's obviously a lengthy protection mission coming up, so please let me just brace myself for that.

GIOVANNA TAVERES

Protection? The Crachá Preto give precisely zero shits about me, but you they want to murder six ways from Sunday! You being around me is basically the opposite of protection!

MAX PAYNE

But the people I protect die so infrequently! Like, I've only lost two people in the past hour. That's not so bad for me!

SUBTITLES

ONLY LOST TWO

MAX PAYNE

Shut up!

SUBTITLES

SHUT UP

MAX PAYNE

Stop copying me!

SUBTITLES

STOP COPYING ME

MAX PAYNE

I'm an idiot!

SUBTITLES

I'M AN IDIOT WAIT I MEAN UH DAMNIT

MAX escorts GIOVANNA through the STREETS until they meet up with PASSOS, who flies away with GIOVANNA. Then DA SILVA shows up out of NOWHERE.

WILSON DA SILVA

As promised, the other half of your exposition! So, Victor is using the Crachá Preto to make all of his family dead so he can use the entire Branco fortune to fund his political campaign. Passos has been playing you the whole time, you were brought along to be the fall guy! Remember the party boat in Panama?

MAX PAYNE

Oh man, I was unbelievably drunk then. But now that I've sobered up, I can recall the events right down to the last margarita!

MAX remembers how HE AND PASSOS were working on MARCELO'S YACHT. Everybody DIED because PASSOS and MARCELO were smuggling MONEY OR SOMETHING? LOOK, IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.

WILSON DA SILVA

Yeah, your presence there really didn't affect anything, so it's perhaps not a very good example of you being a fall guy. I'm not sure why I brought it up, but with Victor's various crimes you really are the fall guy! By just killing everyone who crosses your eyeline, you make it easy for the actual planned deaths to get lost in the confusion.

MAX PAYNE

Damn, that's what I get for just blindly following every objective that gets put in front of me. Just constantly shooting without stopping for a moment's critical thought. I think I'm this big hero when really --

CAPTAIN WALKER

Don't even go there, buddy. Deconstructing the nature of video game violence is so last year!

WILSON DA SILVA

Anyway, let that be a lesson to you. Next time I'm sure you won't just automatically follow the orders of some random schmo who drops in out of nowhere and decides to use you for his own ends.

(beat)

Now head into that abandoned hotel and get me some intel on the Crachá Preto.

MAX PAYNE

Whatever you say, boss!

INT. IMPERIAL PALACE HOTEL - SÃO PAULO

MAX heads into the HOTEL and finds out that the CRACHÁ PRETO are HARVESTING THE ORGANS of the people the UFE have been ABDUCTING.

MAX PAYNE

Oh, why stop there? I don't think you quite hit the most ridiculously over-the-top act of evil evilness anybody could ever think of! Couldn't they have made their money by forcing orphans to eat their own feet or something? How about blowing up retirement villages by firing giant balls of tied-together nuns out of a trebuchet fueled by puppy blood?

He places A BUNCH OF C4 all over the place and then heads to THE BEST PLACE TO BE IN A BUILDING ABOUT TO BLOW UP: THE ROOF. CRACHÁ PRETO BOSS ÁLVARO NEVES is there.

ÁLVARO NEVES

Hello Max, Payne I have. Heard about? You. You arenotsucha hero most OF the, people you pro tect are -- dead so howdare you judge? Me.

MAX PAYNE

I hate it when James McCaffrey has to read his lines against the janitor's mentally challenged cousin. When do we bring in the real voice actor?

ÁLVARO NEVES

This/is theac tual vocal, per, formance we're going. With!

MAX PAYNE

Holy fuck, really? THIS is a character we can kill immediately I think.

MAX tries to BLOW UP THE BUILDING but, being MAX PAYNE, kind of FUCKS IT UP. PASSOS shows up and has to KILL NEVES for him.

MAX PAYNE

Passos, you tricked me and were complicit in this convoluted scheme to murder all the Brancos and harvest human organs! But hey, water under the bridge. Go and live your life with Giovanna, you little rascal!

SERRANO

What about me? Guy who shot Fabiana? I'm in this chapter too.

MAX PAYNE

I'm not gonna kill you either! I'm in a weirdly mellow mood all of a sudden.

RAUL PASSOS

Well, if you're going to go ahead and forgive two of the three remaining bad guys, that just leaves Victor!

WILSON DA SILVA

No, there's also Becker and Bachmeyer.

MAX PAYNE

Who's Bachmeyer?

WILSON DA SILVA

I dunno, I gave up trying to follow this ages ago.

EXT. UFE POLICE STATION - SÃO PAULO

After PASSOS leaves with GIOVANNA, DA SILVA drives MAX up to the UFE HEADQUARTERS.

WILSON DA SILVA

We're going to need solid proof that Becker and the UFE are involved in the organ trade.

MAX PAYNE

Let me guess. You want me to go in there and kill people until I find a clue of sorts.

SUBTITLES

KILL PEOPLE

MAX PAYNE

(sighs, clears throat)

A proper cup of coffee from a copper coffee pot!

SUBTITLES

A PROPER CUP OF COFFEE FROM A CROPPER A PROPER COP OF A PROPER CUP OF COFFEE FROM A COPY FUCK YOU MAN

WILSON DA SILVA

Are you two done? Make with the killing already.

MAX walks into the POLICE STATION and REPEATEDLY FLINGS HIMSELF AGAINST THE WALLS. When he gets up, EVERYONE IS DEAD and BECKER HAS FLED.

MAX PAYNE

Fine, I'll go after Victor then. Hmm, Victor is Brazilian, a Brazilian wax is also known as an airstrip -- he's gonna fly out of here!

EXT. PIRATININGA AIRPORT - SÃO PAULO

MAX and DA SILVA show up at the AIRPORT to try and stop VICTOR from ESCAPING.

WILSON DA SILVA

All right, I'm going to drive directly onto the airstrip and cut off the plane.

MAX PAYNE

And, instead of sitting in the car with you while you do that, I'm going to walk straight through the airport full of heavily armed police with orders to shoot me on sight.

WILSON DA SILVA

Okay what.

MAX PAYNE

Nah man, it's cool! Haven't you realised how this works yet? All I have to do is call out my dumb moves as such, and that gives me a weird kind of insurance that I'll succeed! More so if I use fortune cookie aphorisms to do it.

WILSON DA SILVA

Ah yes, lampshades cover all our sins.

MAX fights his way through the AIRPORT, kills BECKER, and finally blows up VICTOR'S PLANE. VICTOR staggers out of the WRECKAGE and MAX puts a GUN TO HIS HEAD.

WILSON DA SILVA

Max, wait! Your stunt in the police station gave us the evidence we need to take him down legally!

MAX PAYNE

What? You've been bitching and bitching about how you're the only honest cop around here and you'd be killed immediately if you went after Victor through legal channels! Why did that stop being a problem as soon as I put a gun to his head?

WILSON DA SILVA

I'm squeamish? But just imagine how satisfying it'll be to see this asshole face actual justice for his crimes! To watch him rot instead of --

VICTOR is hanged in his CELL, like, THE NEXT DAY.

WILSON DA SILVA

Aw.

EXT. BEACH - BAHIA

MAX is chilling on a TROPICAL BEACH. He's drinking a SODA to indicate that he's BEATEN HIS ALCOHOLISM, because the SOLUTION to a DRINKING PROBLEM is to just NOT DRINK ANYMORE I GUESS.

MAX PAYNE

So there ends another chapter of my life where I utterly fail at keeping people from doing evil shit, but at least get to murder them all after they do. That's at least some measure of peace I've managed to --

CAPTAIN WALKER

WHAT THE FUCK? You -- you can't be lounging on a beach in shorts and flip-flops while I'm still stewing in Dubai! If there's one message I've been thoroughly beaten to death with, it's that violence just makes things worse! It's not fair!

MAX PAYNE

Give me a break! I've been put through the wringer for three games straight! Yeah, I fuck things up, but at least my tendency to just shoot all the things has resulted in something good for a change! Don't ruin this for me, man.

CAPTAIN WALKER

Oh yeah? Fuck you. You're in a satirical script, Max.

MAX PAYNE

The truth was a throughline in my brain. Flaws, no matter how minute, being picked at like scabs. Sarcasm exaggerating my every word, my every action.

(beat)

I was in a satirical script. Funny as hell, it was the most horrible thing I could think of.

THE END